[Athena E.]

AIBU 21.10.2024​

AIBU, which stands for 'Am I Being Unreasonable', is the perfect platform for sharing your thoughts and opinions! So, for today's AIBU discussion, we have this story from Reddit/DesignerYard916:

Am I being unreasonable for refusing to give my seat to a lady and her child?

'I (23, Female) was on my way home from work on the train, totally exhausted. My company had organised a sports event that I was busy with all day. My commute is pretty long—about 50 minutes. Luckily, I got a seat and was about to sleep when, at the next station, a lady and her young boy (who looked about 8 years old) got on.'

'The lady was carrying her son, even though he looked perfectly capable of walking on his own. She walked straight toward me and motioned with her head for me to get up. She didn’t even say anything, and it felt like she was just expecting me to move. The boy wasn’t a toddler—he looked around 8 years old, so I didn’t see why she was carrying him.'

'Something about her face triggered me, so I bluntly said “no.” She seemed surprised and started talking about how someone my age should give up their seat for a mother carrying her child. She also made a few comments about how the younger generation is disrespectful. The lady herself looked like she was in her late 30s, and again, the boy didn’t seem to need to be carried at all.'

'A few people gave me dirty looks, and I felt awkward, but I stayed in my seat. However, once I got off and was walking home, I couldn’t shake the feeling that maybe I was in the wrong.'

'Was I unreasonable?'

'Just to note: I was sitting in a regular seat, not a priority seat. And yes, I actually saw the child running and jumping around on the train, shouting at times. It’s not just an assumption—he seemed perfectly fine. The mother didn’t bother to discipline him while he was shouting. Someone else eventually offered her a seat, and after that, she just sat down and started talking on her phone, probably complaining about the younger generation.'

 

[Coyney]

The fact that she nodded her head was an aggressive gesture so I too would have refused her my seat. Being an OAP I always offer my seat to a Lady although its an old gesture it's the way I was brought up.

 

[StarTrekker]

I wouldn't give up my seat for her either. she was using the kid as a prop.

 

[Jennylolo]

once age doesn't necessarily that one is not able to stand either! And not to actually be asked. What about all the rest of people did she ask anyone else?

 

[Hollingworthlake]

I certainly would not have given up my seat. An 8 year old is quite capable of standing and she offered no reason why she had to hold him to you which is extremely rude I can’t imagine why others would have given up their seats unless they were young teenagers. Although I doubt that very much

 

[Jo Piper3]

Not unreasonable as she seemed to think she was entitled to your seat.

 

[lynstacker]

Good for you. How dare she demand your seat. She is not elderly, disabled or pregnant & an 8 year old is perfectly capable of standing

 

[MIZMAC]

You were perfectly rfight as the child was running around anyway. She thought she had an easy target. I'd say she does it regularly. She did not ask if you were OK.

 

[TrixieLovesTigers]

Good for you I would have done the same.

 

[Luckyus]

When my mother was alive I used to embarrass she reckoned, because call out on the tram or bus make way for woman with child . At the time I was in my fifties. She always got a seat I'd have to strap hang?

 

[PepeLePew]

It would depend entirely on how old the child was. I have often made my children and grandchildren from around the age of 6 either stand up or sit on my lap so an elderly person can sit down on the train therefore I would not expect a parent to think I would give up a seat for her and her 8yr old child. She sounds like she believes she is extremely entitled & privileged.

 

[Towing]

While I agree with you, it is important to consider that many disabilities are not visible. People can be conscious and happy one minute and unconscious probably on a floor the next. Conditions such as Epilepsy are actually quite common. It was recently stated that there is over 50 different types and a fairly high ratio of people have a type of it, not visible to others.

 

[Towing]

While I agree with you, it is important to consider that many disabilities are not visible. People can be conscious and happy one minute and unconscious probably on a floor the next. Conditions such as Epilepsy are actually quite common. It was recently stated that there is over 50 different types and a fairly high ratio of people have a type of it, not visible to others. Unfortunately some show the same symptoms as somebody who is drunk or on drugs.

 

[BellaB18]

No you were not in the wrong. The woman giving you a nod to move. Excuse me???
If the child looked like he was not disabled or injured why should you give up your seat. The woman sounds very intiled. Then to let the child run around the train most likely annoying other passages while the woman was on her phone.
No you should not feel bad at all.
Kind regards Vicki

 

[Nozmo]

No you weren’t being unreasonable. You had every right to remain seated.
The other woman was incredibly selfish and rude.

 

[tdrin]

While I agree with you, it is important to consider that many disabilities are not visible. People can be conscious and happy one minute and unconscious probably on a floor the next. Conditions such as Epilepsy are actually quite common. It was recently stated that there is over 50 different types and a fairly high ratio of people have a type of it, not visible to others.

But in this case, as she says, the kid was running around and shouting on the tram. So when a woman holds a child, when its not needed and expects to have a persons seat, after indicating so, I'd have done the same.
I have neuro divergent grandkids but I would never presume just because they are challenged, that anyone must give me their seat on any public transport. If its offered I would be very grateful and appreciative. .

 

[Steve Critchley]

I was brought up to stand for the elderly, pregnant ladies, not mid thirty ladies. Why did she only single you out. I’m with and would not have stood up.