[Danielle G.]

AIBU 18.10.2024​

AIBU, which stands for 'Am I Being Unreasonable', is the perfect platform for sharing your thoughts and opinions! So, for today's AIBU discussion, we have this story from Reddit/PlentyBluejay273:

Am I being unreasonable for refusing to let my dad use my inheritance?

'My mom died when I was 7. She left me an inheritance that my dad was put in charge of. The money was supposed to be for my future and nobody was supposed to touch it unless I really needed it and it was pretty specific. I read through it 5 months ago when shit went down. My dad got married again when I was 10 and he has an 8 year old stepdaughter and now a 4 year old daughter with his wife (Louise).'

'My half sister was diagnosed with a rare condition when she was 2. It was always clear something was wrong but they had a really hard time figuring out what it was. Doctors would say she'd be fine when she was older. This condition isn't life threatening, like she won't die from it, but it could potentially leave her permanently disabled in a bad way.'

'A few months ago they found out about this hard to get into treatment for it. But it was expensive. There was/is ways to get help paying for it but that takes longer. So my dad decided he would use the inheritance mom left me to pay for it.'

'He tried asking me but he was going to do it anyway and when I said no he told me as much. Then he shamed me for saying no, for putting college before the health of my half sister. Louise was in the room with us but she wasn't talking before I said no. She asked me how I could look at my half sister at the life she will have if we don't do something and say no. I told my dad I would never forgive him if he took the money.'

'After I read her will (grandparents had a copy) I brought up the fact it was only for my needs it could be spent before. He told me mom was dead and he hoped she'd understand. I told him I never would. He told me I'd understand when I'm older. I told him I hated him and I told Louise she better never speak to me again because I found it disgusting she'd encourage stealing from me and taking my mom's money.

'I told my grandparents what dad did. They're my mom's parents but had stayed friendly with dad and there were times they would help him. They shared stuff with him all the time and grandpa would look at dad's car for free if anything was wrong. That all stopped when I told them.'

'Dad couldn't figure out why until he confronted them about it last week. They told him he had some nerve stealing from me, taking their daughter's money and spending it on his child. My dad was mad they didn't understand and support his decision. He confronted me about it and complained about what I did. I laughed and told him I had warned him I would never forgive him for it. He asked how I got to be so heartless and selfish. I told him I would never forget what he did. Am I being unreasonable?'

 

[Witty]

Wow, what a hard decision. What is the cost of the treatment? Is it here or overseas? Did your father and Louise say how they would pay you back or do they assume that it would be a "gift"? If so and what would be the time frame? Would they also pay for any interest that your money would miss out on? How long would they have to wait for funding for the treatment? Do they mean years or just months? Sorry, lots of questions I know. I might be looking at this a bit differently as we have a 50 year old disabled daughter who is in a wheelchair. I know that I would move heaven and earth if someone said that there was an operation that would mean that she would be able to walk. I do not envy your position, but, if you do let them use your money I would be making sure that you have some sort of contract and a time frame for them paying the money back. Maybe a family meeting, including your grandparents, might be the way to go. It is your money and if used they must pay it back. Best of luck.

 

[Dreams]

No I dint think so.

You sound very upset which is understandable.

Think the money is your last connection to your mum.

Your father has obviously moved on with consequence. His new life is his choice which he needs to support and his now new wife not you.

He should abide by his wife your mothers wishes.

Emotions running high!!

 

[Luckyus]

There's a reason your mother left it in trust for you, it would appear hat you now also know the reason.

 

[relljube]

A story from the "Dear Abby" column from the USA - dead giveaway is the "mom".

 

[marni]

How can anyone access money that’s was given to someone in a will?
Mother should have realised that she should have left it to daughter in a trust and no one could claim it. The father has started a new life, does that mean she is no longer a dependant. Not enough information.