[Athena E.]

AIBU 12.08.2024​

AIBU, which stands for 'Am I Being Unreasonable', is the perfect platform for sharing your thoughts and opinions! So, for today's AIBU discussion, we have this story from Reddit/Royal-Combination-62:

Am I unreasonable for not following my boyfriend’s great-grandmother’s advice?

'I was visiting my boyfriend’s family home when my son (from my previous marriage) accidentally burned himself on the grill. As a nurse, I knew to clean the burn with cold water. My boyfriend’s great-grandmother, who is nearly 100, suggested putting butter on it. I declined, explaining that I wouldn’t use butter for a burn.'

'His mother then said it would be disrespectful not to follow his great-grandmother’s advice. I argued that it was disrespectful to ignore my professional judgment about treating my own child.'

'When they insisted again, I firmly said that butter is for cooking, not for burns. I saw his mother attempt to put butter on my son, so I removed my child from the situation and left.'

'My boyfriend was upset with how I handled it, saying I am not to treat his family like that and I should have just let them do it. In his culture, elders are important. I said in my culture, my boundaries and health are more important than your great-grandma’s ego. We haven’t spoken since, and a friend suggested I might have been insensitive. So, was I unreasonable?'

 

[Penny4]

There are a lot of old remedies that are useful, that are passed down with families. Butter on burns is one that needs to be ignored. Perhaps you could have just agreed with it for a few minutes, then made an excuse to leave instead of opposing their belief.

 

[Jest]

your child, do as you want. they have had their day at it. times change. BUTTER no.

 

[BlackWolf]

Putting butter on a burn is outdate and dangerous. So, they should accept you decision that it no longer a "Thing" and being the mother (right now) would know better.

 

[Mrtnst]

Definitely not unreasonable for you to put your child's health ahead of your boyfriend's family tradition.

Cultural sensitivity has to give way to health and safety.

 

[mylittletibbies]

There are a lot of old remedies that are useful, that are passed down with families. Butter on burns is one that needs to be ignored. Perhaps you could have just agreed with it for a few minutes, then made an excuse to leave instead of opposing their belief.

Why, it's a stupid old fashioned idea that does more harm than good.
The mother was a nurse and she is his MOTHER. Buggar the old biddies ego.
Time for a new boyfriend, this one's a loser.

 

[gayle222]

Run girlfriend run. He obviously does respect the fact yr a nurse and know what to do. How dare they try and touch YOUR son to do what you clearly didn’t want. Again RUN

 

[Gsr]

Maybe an explanation that it is medical fact that butter on burns is a big no no could have gone a long way to not creating so much drama within his family. Then if they still insisted it was the thing to do you as his mother are rightfully in charge of any first aid you wish to use for the burn. His mother had no right to try and sneak butter onto the burn after you said no. You are better off out of this relationship from the boyfriends reaction.

 

[DiBoz]

Butter is the worse thing to put on a burn as your education as a Nurse has proven right. I would say you dodged a bullet if your “boyfriend” has that attitude. Hadn’t spoken to you since well there is your answer. I would be telling him it was best you did not take the relationship any further. His attitude is childish and disrespectful to you as a mother.

 

[PepeLePew]

Oh hell no, you did the right thing. Butter for burns is one of those old wives tales that certainly hold no merit in today's society. Does this "boyfriend" also still believe that you should cut a snake bite to suck the venom out? Truly better off without this kind of negative karma in you life. Move yourself and your son onto a better and brighter future by not having someone trying to tell you to live in the past.

 

[BeautifulMousey]

No you weren't unreasonable. Being a nurse you know the right thing to do. Had you done what she wanted you to do could have harmed your son more. You did right and if they want to act like that, well it's good riddance

 

[Beattie]

Coconut oil is the best remedy

 

[Luckyus]

I would have told them it wasn't a piece of bloody toast that got burnt.

 

[BeautifulMousey]

There are a lot of old remedies that are useful, that are passed down with families. Butter on burns is one that needs to be ignored. Perhaps you could have just agreed with it for a few minutes, then made an excuse to leave instead of opposing their belief.

Bugger that, that may have been done 90 years ago, what was done then is not necessarily right. You had your son to think of, not somebody's ego. What would you have done if it was your son put the butter on and made it worse. Do you hurt the child or the ego.

 

[novezar]

I've heard abt the butter remedy but never used it. As already said, cold water is the way to go.

 

[Willfish]

I think you have dodged a bullet. Your "boyfriend" has shown his hand in how he treats his partner. For him upholding some outdated tradition is more important than supporting his medically qualified partner. Just imagine how you might be treated when his 'family traditions' clash with your personal opinion in a non-medical issue.

 

[BellaB18]

Find a new boy friend. Your boyfriend should have respectfully explained, you don't put butter on burns anymore as it burns more that was the old days way. My girlfriend is a nurse who is very capable of attending her son.
The fact your boyfriend told you, you were not being respectful. Red flags. You can find a man who will respect you as a woman, mother and professional nurse.
Good luck. And l truly hope your little boy is healing from his burn.
Kind regards Vicki

 

[Ezzy]

Mother knows best, especially if she has been trained in medical practices.

My mother used to put butter on these but l learnt many years ago that butter STOPS THE BURN FROM COOLING. They must be cooled as quickly as possible. Some stories l have read from 'victims' who have said they ran water for so long the area became numb.

 

[Penny4]

Bugger that, that may have been done 90 years ago, what was done then is not necessarily right. You had your son to think of, not somebody's ego. What would you have done if it was your son put the butter on and made it worse. Do you hurt the child or the ego.

With this scenario, I did say perhaps which wasn't certain. I don't know the couple, but personally I would ditch the guy in these circumstances, as the control issues would only get worse.

 

[[email protected].]

thats a red flag STAY AWAY