[Athena E.]

AIBU 09.12.2024​

AIBU, which stands for 'Am I Being Unreasonable', is the perfect platform for sharing your thoughts and opinions! So, for today's AIBU discussion, we have this story from Reddit/Comfortable_Fox_6201:

Am I being unreasonable for not giving my mum money so I could have extra spending money on my holiday?

'For context, I give my mum a set amount of money every month. She’s retired and gets a pension, but she says it’s not enough to cover her expenses. She insists that it’s my responsibility as her daughter to help her out financially. My sister and her husband give my mum more money than I do, and they have a baby, which makes me feel even guiltier. They often remind me that they manage to give more, even with their extra responsibilities.'

'This month, I decided not to give my mum her usual amount because I planned a 10-day holiday with my fiancé to another city. I could have still gone on the trip while giving her the money, but I wanted to have more spending money to fully enjoy my time away.'

'Now my mum is upset, and her attitude toward me has shifted. This isn’t the first time she’s been cold or distant when I couldn’t (or didn’t) give her money. Even though I know I could technically afford both, I feel guilty for choosing to prioritise myself and my holiday instead.'

'So, am I being unreasonable for skipping my monthly contribution to my mum so I could have more financial freedom on my trip?'

 

[blueevie]

Your mother is very lucky. I am on the pension but my children can't help me because they're all renting and have children. Where's your Mum's Christmas spirit?

 

[Single]

I have 4 children and I’m on an aged pension. I would never expect them to help me out financially. Maybe your mum could do what I do, work 9 hours a week to subsidise my money! It certainly helps me out.

 

[gayle222]

Your Mum is the one being unreasonable by expecting her children to give her money. I’m astonished her daughter with a child is giving money as well. How can she afford it? Your Mum needs to change her life style to fit her pension. You obviously work hard so cut yourself some slack and go away with a clear conscious. Indulge yourself and enjoy,Mum will be fine. I used to give my Mum a set amount every month even though she protested. I assured my Mum if the time comes I can’t do it anymore I will stop. That time did come unfortunately a few years ago ,however my Mum was grateful that I was honest when I told her it had to stop. It’s great you do it but in the mean time don’t forget yourself

 

[Barb358]

You are not unreasonable, I am on a pension and certainly don't expect money from my children, she just has to manage like a lot of pensioners do.

 

[what]

It's your mother who is being unreasonable, she gets a pension as do many elderly people and they have to manage on it, why can't your mother? Obviously she is living above her means, she should be able to manage on the pension as do hundreds of people. It isn't up to your sister and you to give her money at all, and what is more she shouldn't ask or expect it. Your mother is greedy!!!!!!! Time she made a plan to have enough to live on her pension, tell her to see a financial adviser.

 

[Witty]

Maybe it is time that you, your sister and your mother sat down and worked out a budget for her. Has she ever checked for the best phone, gas and electricity plans. House insurance, car insurance etc. You and your sister might just find out that she really is living beyond her means. If she is then you can both agree that she needs to cut back on her expenses. Do it together and maybe cut down on just how much money you are both giving her. No, you go and enjoy your holiday. Treat your self to something special - but , please remember to bring mum home a SMALL gift.

 

[Towing]

My only question is are you still living at home and paying board? If not is she doing your washing or anything else which costs her money? I wonder whether she only spends her money on essentials or is spending it on unnecessary items or luxuries she could do without. Does she even have any type of budget.
When it can be difficult is when you have big items which need to be replaced. Sometimes depending on its age it is very hard to get spare parts + the cost of labour can be so high that it's not viable for repairs. If you have more than one large essential item need to be replaced at the same time it can be difficult. e.g. My Mum had the washing machine, water softener and some parts on the car fail within a week. At that time the water in our area wasn't filtered at all, at times it was brown and also smelled terrible.

 

[magpie1]

You will be away for only 10 days with your fiance....hope that you both have the loveliest holiday together. I am sure that your mother will survive during this time without your extraordinary monthly support....I think that your mother is being very unfair and unreasonable toward this issue. You and your Sister are extremely generous each month of the year to assist her financial situation so I believe that you should not feel a scrap of guilt for enjoying yourself for a change rather than supporting your mum. Your mum will be fine, so go away and have a fabulous holiday.

 

[LorelleD]

Nope =this is your life and your mother has to deal with hers. She is incredibly lucky that you and your sister top her up consistently!

 

[Charlotte59]

I’d like to see the rule book that says that we must give our parents any kind of remuneration because they can’t or don’t know how to live within their means. Keep in mind that she was the one that demanded you give her a certain amount of money out of your income, do not ever be made to feel guilty from someone using blackmail of any kind. Live your life your way, not anyone else’s. Your mother doesn’t have the right to make these demands of you or your sibling

 

[Noon]

It's not your Mother's right to expect her children to help towards her living expenses, we get lots of discounts on many things. She needs to stop expecting handouts from you & your sister. You & your sister need to sit down & help her with a budget.

 

[lsobel Castles]

No you are not being unreasonable. I am 88yrs old, my kids don't speak to me or have anything to do with me, over 20 years now. I am on a full pension and manage very well. I own my own home and am debt free. I live comfortably.
Your mother is very blessed &should be very grateful that you help her at all. I don't know her circumstances but my peers and I think she should not have to take money from you or your sister.
Enjoy your holiday with your sweet-♥ and enjoy your life together.

 

[deni67]

I know it shouldn't matter but i'm wondering what the fiance thinks of this arrangement.
I know my partner would try to put a stop on it, even though it would be my choice not his!