[Athena E.]

AIBU 06.01.2025​

AIBU, which stands for 'Am I Being Unreasonable', is the perfect platform for sharing your thoughts and opinions! So, for today's AIBU discussion, we have this story from Reddit/achucs:

Am I being unreasonable for refusing to call me friend by her new name?

'A friend of mine socially changed her name from the name her mum gave her, to a name she chose for herself. Her name change is due to her wanting to reinvent herself. And her new name, "Queen", reflects how she thinks of herself and how she wants others to see her.'

'Her social media usernames and profiles reflect her new name, and people she's met in the past few years call her by the name she's introduced herself as. I'd be glad to support her in the autonomy she seeks by naming herself. But my issue is that she wants everyone to call her Queen. Within the friend group, I notice that sometimes her old friends slip up and call her by her given name. But you can see that it doesn't sit well with her, and that being deadnamed, bothers her. Sometimes she'll politely correct, but not within larger groups. Sometimes her friends self-correct and call her Queen.'

'Since, "Queen" and "King" are used as terms of praise, reverence, and endearment, I am very hesitant to call this person "Queen". I simply don't feel that way about her. It just doesn't feel like a name to me. It feels more like a title. I don't feel right calling my peer Queen. If she were to change her name to a name that means queen, like Reina, I wouldn't experience any unease with calling her such.'

'I avoid using any name to refer to her. If I do use a name, I try to say Queen but if I'm not in a good mood or if I'm annoyed with her, I don't bring myself to say it. I asked if I can call her "Q" and she said no, my name is "Queen".'

'Perhaps I would feel differently if it were a stage name. Perhaps I would feel differently if she weren't also a little self-centred. Am I being unreasonable?'

 

[<Stephen>]

No she / he is a flog......

 

[Giannidifirenze]

I think you should inform her of your new name and that from now on she should refer to you by your new title ‘Queen of Queens’

 

[Bill MacL]

I'm inclined to think she {thinks she} might be a bit of a princess. Next time she enters a room, get everyone to bow and curtsey.

 

[Colette 3799]

So pretentious. If you don’t like your name then fine, change it but please! I’m sure I wouldn’t be able to call her that without laughing.

 

[Witty]

I agree with you - Queen, King, Prince and Princess are titles - not first names.

Or, just for fun, you could start calling her "Queenie" -- It could catch on with all her friends. What do your other friends think?

 

[magpie1]

She should call herself TINKERBELL......she's obviously away with the pixies.

 

[BigAl6164]

This is tricky. On the one hand, I believe it's respectful to accede to a friend's wishes. If she has chosen a new name then respect suggests calling her by her chosen name.

On the other hand, it doesn't sound as if you two are especially close. The question I'm asking myself is, Does this name enhance your friend's self-esteem, which appears to be the reason she decided on the name change. Or does the new name invite derision and mockery? Is she damaging herself more than healing a low self-image?

If you sincerely believe the latter then a quiet, serious chat with her might be worth a try. If not, then respect her decision. After all, your friend has changed her name for her own reasons - not to personally insult or upset you.

 

[electricblanket]

Just call her Empress, Ruler of the Known Universe, Her Majesty etc etc

 

[Veggiepatch]

Queen Bitch....

 

[BigAl6164]

Most responses so far are quite aggressive. Disappointing. No one has to agree with Queen's decision but equally no one needs to diss her if they don't.

 

[Luckyus]

Pretentious Prat.

 

[LJ Cool]

I agree with you - Queen, King, Prince and Princess are titles - not first names.

Or, just for fun, you could start calling her "Queenie" -- It could catch on with all her friends. What do your other friends think?

I agree 100% I would be calling her queeny

 

[electricblanket]

Change the spelling - Kwean. See if she likes that

 

[MIZMAC]

Call her Queenie.

 

[Veggiepatch]

A mate's grandmother was called Queenie.

But she was full blooded Indigenous.

 

[BigAl6164]

A mate's grandmother was called Queenie.

But she was full blooded Indigenous.

Yeah, "Queenie" is known, though relatively uncommon.