[mOiOz]

A NIGHT OUT​

A NIGHT OUT

My husband and I were ready to go out for a lovely evening of dinner and theatre,
Having been burgled in the past, we turned on a ‘night light’ and put the cat in the backyard.
When the Uber arrived, we walked outside and the rather tubby cat scooted inside between our legs, then ran upstairs.

Because our cat loves to chase the parakeet, we didn’t want to leave them alone together, so my husband ran inside to retrieve her and bring her outside again.
Because I didn’t want the Uber driver to know, our house was going to be empty all evening, I explained to him that my husband would be out soon, as he was just bidding goodnight to my mother.

A few minutes later he got into the Uber all hot and bothered and said (to my growing horror and amusement) as the car pulled away,
“Sorry it took so long, but the stupid bitch was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her ass with a coat hanger to get her to come out! She tried to take off, so I grabbed her by the neck and wrapped her in a blanket, so she wouldn’t scratch me like she did last time. But it worked! I hauled her fat ass down the stairs and threw her into the backyard.
She had better not shit in the vegetable garden again!”

The silence in the Uber was deafening.

 

[Jill57]

Heard it before but still funny

 

[Dennis]

Dennis R's Morning Pun. What has two hands, no fingers, stands still, and Runs A clock.

 

[Gunpark]

I some times wish I didn't have such a good imagination.

 

[Mustang GT]

Love it

 

[Oaklegs]

That was really funny so I shared it all over the world.

 

[Reet]

That's a good one.

 

[UruauP]

Da best!

 

[Reet]

Finding herself in a strange city a confused woman asked a police office the way to the station.
"Wait here at the bus stop for bus number forty-two, " he said. "It'll take you right there."
Three hours later, the officer passed again and saw the woman still waiting at the bus stop.
"I said to wait for bus number forty-two," he said. "That was three hours ago. Why are you still waiting?"
"Don't worry, " said the woman. "It shouldn't be long now. The thirty-ninth bus just went by'"

 

[Luckyus]

Finding herself in a strange city a confused woman asked a police office the way to the station.
"Wait here at the bus stop for bus number forty-two, " he said. "It'll take you right there."
Three hours later, the officer passed again and saw the woman still waiting at the bus stop.
"I said to wait for bus number forty-two," he said. "That was three hours ago. Why are you still waiting?"
"Don't worry, " said the woman. "It shouldn't be long now. The thirty-ninth bus just went by'"

Another Blonde Joke?

 

[Littleboy8]

Finding herself in a strange city a confused woman asked a police office the way to the station.
"Wait here at the bus stop for bus number forty-two, " he said. "It'll take you right there."
Three hours later, the officer passed again and saw the woman still waiting at the bus stop.
"I said to wait for bus number forty-two," he said. "That was three hours ago. Why are you still waiting?"
"Don't worry, " said the woman. "It shouldn't be long now. The thirty-ninth bus just went by'"

good one

 

[Leenie]

I haven’t laughed so much for a long time ,hilarious.