[Danielle G.]

A neighbour's kid was having fun in his yard... but he had to stand his ground - is it unreasonable?​

AIBU, which stands for 'Am I Being Unreasonable', is the perfect platform for sharing your thoughts and opinions! So, for today's AIBU discussion, we have this story from Reddit/TripleDigitMan:

Am I being unreasonable for not letting my neighbour’s kid ruin my lawn in the name of imagination?

'I live in a quiet suburban neighbourhood with your standard backyard, some grass, a few old trees, a weathered shed. Nothing fancy, but I try to keep it tidy. I'm on polite-but-not-close terms with most neighbors. We wave, sometimes chat about the weather, and that’s about it.'

'There’s a family two doors down with a boy who’s maybe 9 or 10. Lately, he’s gone full pirate mode. I mean fully committed. Eyepatch, cardboard sword, yelling "ye be cursed" at squirrels. Honestly? Pretty wholesome.'

'At first.'

'Then I started noticing small holes in my yard. Just little ones near the fence. Then the holes got bigger. One morning, I went out and found the ground behind my shed completely torn up, with clumps of grass tossed around and a "map" pinned to the tree with a stick.'

'Eventually I caught him out there mid-dig. I asked him what he was doing and he straight up said, “I’m hiding my treasure. No one must know”. He said it was the perfect hiding spot.'

'I told him calmly, “Hey, this is my yard. You can’t dig here.”'

'He got a little huffy but ran off. I figured that was the end of it. Nope.'

'Next day, there’s a new hole. Bigger. A tin lunchbox half-buried behind the shed. I dig it up and it’s full of Pokémon cards, fake jewels, toy coins, and a few crumpled five dollar bills. I bring it to his mum and explain what’s going on.'

'She immediately gets defensive. No apology. Just a heavy sigh and a “Well he’s just using his imagination. I think it’s sweet.” I told her I didn’t mind the creativity, just not in my yard. She rolled her eyes and said, “Can’t you just let him have this? It’s not like your grass is that nice anyway.”'

'That one actually stunned me.'

'I said, as politely as possible, that I didn’t want holes being dug on my property by someone else’s kid. I handed over the box and left.'

'That night, she sends a long text telling me I humiliated her son, crushed his imagination, and “created an environment where children can’t feel safe being children.” She said he cried for over an hour and now thinks I’m “the villain in his story.” (Her words.)'

'I didn’t reply.'

'I get it, he’s a kid. I didn’t yell, I didn’t shame him, and I even gave the stuff back. But I’m not thrilled about my yard being turned into a sandbox and getting insulted for not being okay with it.'

'So am I the unreasonable one for drawing a line and not entertaining a pirate storyline that involved my yard getting wrecked?'

 

[gayle222]

How disrespectful of both the mother and boy. This mother is not teaching her son,manner or respect for others. What happened to don’t touch anything that does not belong to you. My mother always instilled in us that we were never to go to anyone’s yard if they were not home or without the persons permission. No you were way more reasonable than I think I would have been. You asked him not to do it ,that should have been enough. End of story

 

[Catherines]

My home, my property - not someone else’s to destroy. I wonder at the reaction if you’d have yelled at the kid to stop doing what he did and never enter your property again. His mother and he should have been made to rectify the dug up area to its former condition. Then this man could have told the mother if the child enters his property and digs it up he will report it to the police. No matter how small or perhaps insignificant the damage, your property is your property and the mother needs to pull her head in and teach her child some manners and respect for someone else’s property. Looks like he will be growing up with no respect for anyone or anything. One of the reasons we have so much thuggery these days - children are not being brought up with respect.

 

[Witty]

No, you are not being unreasonable. I am guessing that you don't have a front fence and therefore he can just come onto your property. It is no different than someone letting their dog leave their calling card in your front yard. Not acceptable and you have every right to ask his mother to have him stop trespassing. Ever thought of motion activated sprinklers where this kid likes to dig holes?

 

[Jennylolo]

another entitled mother. Bet she was the same as a child. Couldn't care less about other people's property/belongings. So disrespectful.
How childish of her to claim her child 's creativity was destroyed- what rubbish. Let him use his mum's place not someone else's.

 

[etphhome]

It’s no wonder gangs of kids are running around vandalising properties and attacking people. With parents like that kid’s, there is no control over them.

 

[Frida1944]

Your property - your rules. Welcome to the age of entitlement! Respect is no longer considered part of teaching your child to become a responsible adult.

 

[magpie1]

Typical Pirate behavior...no respect, their rules apply and you can just pay for any inconvenience caused or malicious damage.....and they just sail away on their own set course of destruction and Piracy in the neighborhood. Man the CANNONS men and SINK these vermin. !!

 

[Luciemcm]

I like the idea of sprinklers drenching him if he enters your property. No respect from either him or his mother.

 

[relljube]

Is their yard so bad that he can't bury anything in it? Perhaps if you offered her advice on how to improve her yard the message may sink in. If not, threaten to report the child & parent to the police for trespassing.

 

[LorLes]

The age of 9-10 children ought to understand and respect the notion of someone else’s property. Good parenting teaches them proper boundaries and the law of trespass
As most have said, you were certainly within your rights
As kids, if our call went into next door, even though the children were our friends, we had to knock and ask permission before searching
I’d like the add another reason
There is another issue in play here - that of liability. Had the child been injured whilst playing on your property and had that injury occurred due to a hazard on your property, you may have found yourself liable
Conversely, had the holes the child dug caused a hazard and someone else was injured, you may have also found yourself liable.
Let’s face it, burglars are suing property owners for injury during robberies (albeit with limited success). The world has gone mad with few prepared to take responsibility for themselves