[Skipton]

A Few One Liners!​

My wife wants me to wear a bracelet that belonged to her grandfather. It says "Do Not Resuscitate."

It's been months since I bought the book, How To Scam People Online. It still hasn't arrived yet.

One good thing about being wrong is the joy it brings to others.

Even rarer than a doctor who can't stand the sight of blood is a lawyer who can't stand the sight of money.

If your palm itches, you are going to get something. If your crotch itches, you've already got it.

My wife and I started role-playing in the bedroom. Her favorite is The Sexy Librarian, where I have to sit quietly while she reads a book.

Being old is when you don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go too.

I want someone I can share my entire life with who will leave me alone most of the time.

Yesterday I bought a world map, gave my wife a dart, and said, "Throw this and wherever it lands, I will take you on vacation." We're spending 3 weeks behind the fridge.