Wedding planning brings enough stress without family members adding to the drama, but one mother-in-law's dress choice has left millions of viewers absolutely gobsmacked.
In this article
What started as a simple shopping trip has become a cautionary tale that's resonating with families across Australia.
When 'pink' looks suspiciously like white
The drama unfolded when Deanna's fiancé asked to see what his mum had picked for their big day.
After she showed him photos of the dress, complete with white lace and floral details, he was having none of it.
'You're not wearing this,' he told her firmly, recognising it for what it clearly was—a wedding dress.
But here's where it gets interesting. The mother-in-law insisted the dress was actually pink and had already paid a deposit.
When pressed, she maintained her story, even though the groom could see it was obviously white.
The son didn't back down. He made her call the store in front of him and heard her trying to cancel the order on the phone, staying stern about his decision.
The dress even had a telling detail that Deanna couldn't help but laugh about: 'It said 'I found the one' on a decal in the back of one of the photos' - classic bridal shop language.
A few days later, the mother-in-law returned to use her credit from the cancelled dress and chose a navy option instead.
'It was as if she went in one day saying 'I'm the bride,' and the next day saying 'I'm the mother of the groom,'' Deanna observed.
'It was as if she went in one day saying 'I'm the bride,' and the next day saying 'I'm the mother of the groom''
This isn't a one-off situation
Deanna's story might seem extreme, but she's far from alone in dealing with mother-in-law dress drama. Social media is filled with similar tales that have gone viral, suggesting this is more common than you might think.
Another bride, Jasmine Hopper, shared her experience on social media where her mother-in-law wore a white dress and tried to convince the couple it was 'cream with gold sequins,' earning over 10 million views.
Meanwhile, bride Jocelyn posted photos showing her mother-in-law in what appeared to be a white lace dress at the actual wedding, garnering over 619,700 views.
The pattern is remarkably consistent: mothers-in-law choosing white or wedding-style dresses, then either denying the obvious or attempting to justify their choice with claims about the colour or style.
What Australian wedding etiquette says about dress colours
The most common method of avoiding white, ivory, or champagne colours is not to distract from the bride's image. Australian tradition states that you should not choose white and ivory, to avoid looking too close to the bride's dress. It's widely accepted that white is reserved for the bride at weddings. The tradition dates back to Queen Victoria, who popularised white wedding dresses in 1840 when she married Prince Albert. Since then, the white dress has become a staple in Western wedding culture.
Understanding the psychology behind the behaviour
So why do some mothers do this? The answer lies in family dynamics and the challenge of changing roles.
Licensed psychotherapist Elizabeth Fedrick explains that mothers are used to being the 'cruise directors' for the family unit, often having an authoritative role. This can potentially create 'conflict and discord when another individual joins the family and has their own traditions and a separate family influence'.
Psychology Today notes that tension between adult children and their parents often boils down to unclear boundaries. These conflicts show up when parents struggle to shift out of an over-involved role, particularly when their kids are starting families of their own.
Some mothers might become anxious or worried about losing time with their child and family dynamics changing when their child gets married, which can lead to the mother displaying 'controlling, opinionated or inflexible behaviours' because of her fears.
The statistics are telling: In a study among hundreds of families over two decades, more than 60 percent of women said the relationship with their female in-law caused them long-term unhappiness and stress.
Warning signs and practical advice for dealing with difficult mother-in-law situations
- Set clear boundaries early in wedding planning
- Have your partner handle communication with their own mother
- Document decisions (like Deanna calling the shop to confirm cancellation)
- 'Remember that you are not in competition with your mother-in-law and they ultimately can only give as much opinion or direction as you allow them to'
- Consider involving neutral third parties if needed
The Australian approach to mother-of-the-groom attire
Understanding proper wedding guest etiquette can help prevent these situations. Australian tradition states that the Mother of the Bride should buy her dress first and then tell the Mother of the Groom subtle details such as colour and style, so that they can complement each other. This gives great direction as to what could be chosen.
If your daughter is cautious about what colour you should wear, opt for subtle timeless colours such as greys, lavenders, taupes or blues.
Some brides are comfortable with mothers wearing cream or beige two-piece outfits that don't look anything like the bride's dress, but black is not typical unless it's a formal evening wedding.
The key principle? Pretty much anything that screams 'Look at me instead of the bride and groom!' is something to avoid.
Community reaction and lessons learned
The response to these viral stories has been overwhelmingly supportive of the brides, with viewers expressing everything from disbelief to dark humour. Comments ranged from 'She's cosplaying marrying her son? I'm confused' to observations about the inappropriate nature of the behaviour.
Many commenters offered practical advice: 'Most people know about the rule of not wearing white to a wedding, she's the one who's going to look stupid and petty. Roll your eyes, and if anyone says anything about it, just say 'yeah, I know, how weird is she!' Keeping your cool will get under her skin, and she won't be able to play the victim if you don't get mad at her'.
The stories serve as valuable reminders that setting boundaries isn't just about the wedding day—it's about establishing healthy family dynamics for the future. As experts recommend: 'It is crucial for a couple to determine these things first within the safety of their own dynamic, and then explore and identify how this information will be communicated to each other's family. This information must then be shared clearly and without room for interpretation'.
Did you know?
Did you know? The tradition of brides wearing white dresses only dates back to 1840, when Queen Victoria chose white for her wedding to Prince Albert. Before then, women simply wore their best dress, regardless of colour. In Australia, white wedding gowns represent hope, happiness, purity and innocence, as well as the start of a new chapter in life.
What This Means For You
For families navigating these choppy waters, remember that seeking support from counselling services like Relationships Australia can provide valuable strategies for managing complex family dynamics with respect and clear boundaries.
Have you encountered similar wedding drama in your family? What advice would you give to couples dealing with challenging in-laws during wedding planning?
Original Article
https://www.news.com.au/lifestyle/r...y/news-story/2a86ba19770de3d7b2136682c95c3b74
Why Did Mother-in-Law Pick This Dress for Their Wedding?
Cited text: this is the dress my fiance’s mother bought for our wedding.” · The following photos showed her soon-to-be mother-in-law in a form-fitting, full-lengt...
Excerpt: TikToker Deanna (@deannanotdeanna) shared photos of her soon-to-be mother-in-law in a form-fitting, full-length white lace gown with thin straps
https://www.themarysue.com/bride-mother-in-law-wedding-dress/
Why Did Mother-in-Law Pick This Dress for Their Wedding?
Cited text: “It was as if she went in one day saying ‘I’m the bride,’ and the next day saying ‘I’m the mother of the groom.’” · Still, she and her fiancé confirme...
Excerpt: He made her call the store in front of him and heard her trying to cancel the order on the phone
https://www.themarysue.com/bride-mother-in-law-wedding-dress/
Bride goes viral after blasting mother-in-law for wearing white gown to her wedding—Dexerto
Cited text: Jasmine Hopper took to TikTok to reveal that the mother of her groom wore a white dress on her big day, and tried to convince the couple that it was n...
Excerpt: Another bride, Jasmine Hopper, shared her experience on TikTok where her mother-in-law wore a white dress and tried to convince the couple it was 'cream with gold sequins,' earning over 10 million views
https://www.dexerto.com/entertainme...or-wearing-white-gown-to-her-wedding-2060593/
Bride Shocks Internet After Revealing What Mother-in-Law Wore to Wedding—Newsweek
Cited text: Jocelyn wore an off-the-shoulder floaty bridal dress, while her mother-in-law opted for a seemingly white lace dress. The post has gone viral with ove...
Excerpt: Meanwhile, bride Jocelyn posted photos showing her mother-in-law in what appeared to be a white lace dress at the actual wedding, garnering over 619,700 views
https://www.newsweek.com/bride-shocks-internet-what-mother-law-wore-wedding-2117623
Dress Rules for Mother of the Bride—White Runway
Cited text: The most common method of avoidance of white, ivory, or champagne colours is not to distract from the bride's image.
Excerpt: The most common method of avoiding white, ivory, or champagne colours is not to distract from the bride's image
https://whiterunway.com.au/blogs/news/dress-rules-for-mother-of-the-bride
Dress Rules for Mother of the Bride—White Runway
Cited text: The most common method of avoidance of white, ivory, or champagne colours is not to distract from the bride's image.
Excerpt: The most common method of avoiding white, ivory, or champagne colours is not to distract from the bride's image
https://whiterunway.com.au/blogs/news/dress-rules-for-mother-of-the-bride
Wedding Guest Dress Etiquette | Mother of the Bride/Groom—The Wardrobe
Cited text: Be thoughtful with colour: There are some colour restrictions that do apply to the Mother of the Bride’s dress; tradition states that you should not c...
Excerpt: Australian tradition states that you should not choose white and ivory, to avoid looking too close to the bride's dress
https://www.thewardrobe.com.au/blogs/womens-fashion/wedding-guest-dress-etiquette
'My mother-in-law has bought a white dress for my wedding. My fiancé won’t tell her to change it.'
Cited text: Of course, this is the kind of thing that goes beyond personal preference — it's widely accepted that white is reserved for the bride at weddings, unl...
Excerpt: It's widely accepted that white is reserved for the bride at weddings. The tradition dates back to Queen Victoria, who popularised white wedding dresses in 1840 when she married Prince Albert.
https://www.mamamia.com.au/wedding-guests-wearing-white/
Can A Toxic Mother-in-Law Actually Ruin Your Marriage? Experts Explain—Newsweek
Cited text: Getty Images · Elizabeth Fedrick, a licensed psychotherapist based in Phoenix, Arizona, told Newsweek that mothers are used to being the 'cruise direc...
Excerpt: Licensed psychotherapist Elizabeth Fedrick explains that mothers are used to being the 'cruise directors' for the family unit, often having an authoritative role.
https://www.newsweek.com/mother-law-conflict-family-marriage-couples-advice-1783325
Why Did Mother-in-Law Pick This Dress for Their Wedding?
Cited text: Psychology Today notes that tension between adult children and their parents often boils down to unclear boundaries. In its analysis of family dynamic...
Excerpt: Psychology Today notes that tension between adult children and their parents often boils down to unclear boundaries.
https://www.themarysue.com/bride-mother-in-law-wedding-dress/
Can A Toxic Mother-in-Law Actually Ruin Your Marriage? Experts Explain—Newsweek
Cited text: Some mothers might become anxious or worried about losing time with their child and family dynamics changing when their child gets married, which can ...
Excerpt: Some mothers might become anxious or worried about losing time with their child and family dynamics changing when their child gets married, which can lead to the mother displaying 'controlling, opinionated or inflexible behaviours' because…
https://www.newsweek.com/mother-law-conflict-family-marriage-couples-advice-1783325
Can A Toxic Mother-in-Law Actually Ruin Your Marriage? Experts Explain—Newsweek
Cited text: In a study among hundreds of families over two decades conducted by Terri Apter, a psychologist and former senior tutor at Newnham College at Cambridg...
Excerpt: In a study among hundreds of families over two decades, more than 60 percent of women said the relationship with their female in-law caused them long-term unhappiness and stress
https://www.newsweek.com/mother-law-conflict-family-marriage-couples-advice-1783325
Can A Toxic Mother-in-Law Actually Ruin Your Marriage? Experts Explain—Newsweek
Cited text: 'Remember that you are not in competition with your mother-in-law and they ultimately can only give as much opinion or direction as you allow them to,...
Excerpt: 'Remember that you are not in competition with your mother-in-law and they ultimately can only give as much opinion or direction as you allow them to'
https://www.newsweek.com/mother-law-conflict-family-marriage-couples-advice-1783325
Wedding Guest Dress Etiquette | Mother of the Bride/Groom—The Wardrobe
Cited text: Tradition can be your friend here—custom states that the Mother of the Bride should buy her dress first and then tell the Mother of the Groom subtle...
Excerpt: Australian tradition states that the Mother of the Bride should buy her dress first and then tell the Mother of the Groom subtle details such as colour and style, so that they can complement each other.
https://www.thewardrobe.com.au/blogs/womens-fashion/wedding-guest-dress-etiquette
Wedding Guest Dress Etiquette | Mother of the Bride/Groom—The Wardrobe
Cited text: Talk to the bride before you start shopping for dresses, if your daughter is cautious about what colour you should wear, then opt for subtle timeless ...
Excerpt: If your daughter is cautious about what colour you should wear, opt for subtle timeless colours such as greys, lavenders, taupes or blues
https://www.thewardrobe.com.au/blogs/womens-fashion/wedding-guest-dress-etiquette
What Dress Should My Mother In Law Wear? | Weddings, Etiquette and Advice | Wedding Forums | WeddingWire
Cited text: Typically only the bride wears white, but some brides are comfortable with MOB or MOG in cream or beige 2-piece outfits that don't look anything like ...
Excerpt: Some brides are comfortable with mothers wearing cream or beige two-piece outfits that don't look anything like the bride's dress, but black is not typical unless it's a formal evening wedding
https://www.weddingwire.com/wedding...d-my-mother-in-law-wear/60f5b389f691d2fd.html
What Dress Should My Mother In Law Wear? | Weddings, Etiquette and Advice | Wedding Forums | WeddingWire
Cited text: Pretty much anything that screams 'Look at me instead of the bride and groom!!!!' is something to avoid.
Excerpt: Pretty much anything that screams 'Look at me instead of the bride and groom!' is something to avoid
https://www.weddingwire.com/wedding...d-my-mother-in-law-wear/60f5b389f691d2fd.html
Why Did Mother-in-Law Pick This Dress for Their Wedding?
Cited text: “She’s cosplaying marrying her son? I’m confused,” one person wrote.
Excerpt: Comments ranged from 'She's cosplaying marrying her son? I'm confused' to observations about the inappropriate nature of the behaviour
https://www.themarysue.com/bride-mother-in-law-wedding-dress/
'My mother-in-law has bought a white dress for my wedding. My fiancé won’t tell her to change it.'
Cited text: Most people know about the rule of not wearing white (or anything that looks 'bridal') to a wedding, she's the one who's going to look stupid and pett...
Excerpt: Many commenters offered practical advice: 'Most people know about the rule of not wearing white to a wedding, she's the one who's going to look stupid and petty.
https://www.mamamia.com.au/wedding-guests-wearing-white/
Can A Toxic Mother-in-Law Actually Ruin Your Marriage? Experts Explain—Newsweek
Cited text: 'It is crucial for a couple to determine these things first within the safety of their own dynamic, and then explore and identify how this information...
Excerpt: As experts recommend: 'It is crucial for a couple to determine these things first within the safety of their own dynamic, and then explore and identify how this information will be communicated to each other's family.
https://www.newsweek.com/mother-law-conflict-family-marriage-couples-advice-1783325
'My mother-in-law has bought a white dress for my wedding. My fiancé won’t tell her to change it.'
Cited text: The tradition dates back to Queen Victoria, who popularised white wedding dresses in 1840 when she married Prince Albert.
Excerpt: The tradition of brides wearing white dresses only dates back to 1840, when Queen Victoria chose white for her wedding to Prince Albert
https://www.mamamia.com.au/wedding-guests-wearing-white/
10 Australian Wedding Traditions and Customs: Unraveling the Real Meanings
Cited text: The following are the top 10 wedding traditions practised in Australia: White being the colour of hope and happiness in one’s married life, wearing a ...
Excerpt: In Australia, white wedding gowns represent hope, happiness, purity and innocence, as well as the start of a new chapter in life
https://symphonyevents.com.au/australian-wedding-traditions-and-customs/
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