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Dropped Your Purse I saw a woman drop her purse in the street this morning, so I quickly followed her. As I was just about to tap her on the shoulder she started running for a bus. So I ran after her shouting "You dropped your purse! You dropped your purse!" She didn't hear me and proceeded to...

The Word A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church, by hand. He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript. So, the new monk goes to the Old Abbot to...

The Ostrich A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders. The man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?" "I'll have the same," says the ostrich. A short time later the waitress returns...

Wi-Fi

Safe

L Ron

He's Not A Bitter Man For It?

Finally My mate’s wife was furious as he was late home yet again. So she left a note on the dressing table. It read, "That’s it, I’ve left you so don't bother coming after me." Then she hid under the bed to see his reaction. When he came home she heard him walk into the bedroom, pause at...

Ikea

Dave Dave bragged to his boss one day: “I’ll tell you, I know everybody who needs to be known. You name one, any one, I know him.” His boss got tired of his bragging and decided to call his bluff. “Okay, Dave, how about Elon Musk?” “Oh, Elon and I go way back and I can prove it.” So Dave...

Three Legged Pig As a man leans against the farm gate and watches the farmer round up the sheep, he realizes that the farmer is using a pig, not a sheepdog. What’s more, the pig skillfully herding the sheep into the pen has only three legs. “Excuse me,” the man says to the farmer, “but why...

A Song I Came Across Hope it's alright to use Well, my body could use a little slimmin' I keep my shirt on when I go swimmin' And I ain't seen my feet since 1984 The old lady wants to roll in the hay We turn the lights...

Job at the Zoo A young bloke finds himself a job in a zoo. On his first day his instructor says "Don't worry mate if you kill anything just throw it into the lions to get rid of the evidence" He is put to work in the aquarium but unfortunately gives the fish the wrong food and they choke...

You Said It

Local Rag Paper

Bugger

Golfing

Tattoo Parlour Young woman goes into the tattoo parlour and asks for aportrait of Elvis on her inner thigh, after removing her skirt and knickers the tattooist goes to work when he's finished the woman isn't happy so he does another portrait of Elvis on her other inner thigh, the woman is...

King and Croesus King Ozymandias of Assyria was running low on cash after years of war with the Hittites. His last great possession was the Star of the Euphrates, the most valuable diamond in the ancient world. Desperate, he went to Croesus, the pawnbroker, to ask for a loan. Croesus said...

The Sceptic A sceptical anthropologist was cataloguing South American folk remedies With the assistance of a tribal elder who indicated that the leaves of a particular fern were a sure cure for any case of constipation. When the anthropologist expressed his doubts, the elder looked him in...