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Pastor Pays Visit To Parishioner ! A pastor goes to a nursing home for the first time to visit an elderly parishioner. As he is sitting there, he notices a bowl of peanuts beside her bed and takes one. As they continue their conversation, he can't help himself and eats one after another...

How Mummy and Daddy Met A boy goes to his father and asks him: "Daddy, how was I born?" "Ah, very well," His dad sighed. "One day you'll find out anyway. How shall I put it in a way your generation will understand... Well," he said "mum and dad got together in a chat room. Dad set up a date...

Saving the Forest There was an old man who lived by a forest. As he grew older and older, he started losing his hair, until one day, on his deathbed, he was completely bald. That day, he called his children to a meeting. He said, "Look at my hair. It used to be so magnificent, but it's...

Blonde Goes to a Salon ! A blonde was rollerblading with her headphones on. She stopped at a hair salon and asked for a haircut. She instructed that the hair stylist could not take off her headphones. The stylist refused to cut her hair like that, so she left. She went to a different hair...

The Missing Wife A man walks into a police station in tears and goes to the sergeant at the desk. Husband: "My wife is missing. She went to rescue people from the flood yesterday and has not come home!" Sergeant: "What is her height?" Husband: "Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet...

The Deaf Mute at the Golf Course A deaf mute steps up to tee off on the first hole of a golf course, when a large burly guy yells "Hey You!, Nobody tees off ahead of Big Ralph". Being deaf the poor guy continues to prepare for his shot, so Ralph runs up thinking the deaf mute is being...

The Cat Statue A man walks into an antique store and starts looking around. Suddenly, he gazes upon the most stunning bronze statue of a Siamese cat. He asks the store owner how much he wants for the statue. The store owner replies "It's $200 for the statue and $2000 for the story that goes...

How to Turn Tomatoes Red . A woman’s garden is growing beautifully but the tomatoes won’t ripen. She goes to her neighbor and says, ” Your tomatoes are ripe, mine are green. What can I do about it ?” The man replies, ” Well, it may sound absurd but here’s what to do. Tonight there’s no moon...

Trying to Get a Job in India... Mujibar was trying to get a job in India. The Manager said, '' Mujibar, you have passed all the tests, except one. Unless you pass it, you cannot qualify for this job.'' Mujibar said, '' I am ready. '' The manager said, '' Make a sentence using the words...

You Gotta Get an Elephant Two billionaire friends meet. After a casual conversation, one of them finally asks: So, how's your home life? The other answers: "Couldn't be better! I bought an elephant!" The other guy looks at him astonished: "An elephant? Have you gone mad?" The guy replies...

A Blonde at the Cinema I went to see a movie the other night. I sat in an aisle seat as I usually do because it feels a little roomier. Just as the feature was about to start, a blonde from the center of the row got up and started working her way out. “ Excuse me, sorry, oops, excuse me...

Socrates' Triple Filter Test In ancient Greece, Socrates was reputed to hold knowledge in high esteem. One day, an acquaintance ran up to the great philosopher and said, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about your friend?" "Hold on a minute," Socrates replied. "Before telling me...

ODD ONE OUT !

Who is it ? A man from the city was reporting for a job at a residential home and knocked on the door. The owner wasn't home, but his pet parrot was. "Who is it?", the parrot said. "It's the man from the gas company here to fix your pipes." There was no answer, so he knocks again. "Who is...

The Mysterious Smiles Three new corpses are delivered to the morgue one day, each with a smile on their face. The mortician examines each of them and says who they are and their cause of death. " First body, Frenchman, aged 60, died making love to his mistress, hence the smile on his face...

Three Funerals and a Wedding.. A woman makes a new friend at the gym, a beautiful woman. A few months later, she gets a wedding invitation. Excited, she asks her friend if this is her first marriage. "Fourth, actually." Says the other woman . Her friend says, "Fourth ?? How.. how...

Haggling With the Dentist One day, a woman walks into a dentist's office and asks how much it will cost to extract wisdom teeth. "Eighty dollars," the dentist says. "That's a ridiculous amount!" the woman says. "Isn't there a cheaper way ?" "Well," the dentist says, "if you don't use an...

Do We Know Each Other ? Two men are standing at the urinal, doing their business, when one starts to strike up a conversation. "Excuse me, sir, do you happen to be Jewish?" "Yes, indeed I am." "And do you happen to be from Krakow?" "Yes, how do you know?" "And you always went to the...

Vacation Plans Billy Bob and Luther were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob tells Luther: "Ya know, I reckon I'm 'bout ready for a vacation... only this year I'm gonna do it different. The last few years, I been takin' your advice 'bout where to go. Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii...

The Ex-Wife & the Bride Jennifer's wedding day was fast approaching. Nothing could dampen her excitement - not even her parents' nasty divorce. Her mother had found the PERFECT dress to wear, and would be the best-dressed mother-of-the-bride ever ! A week later, Jennifer was horrified to...