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Dad Joke 💰 I got fired from the bank today. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her. 😊

3 Hardest Things To Say 🙊

Dad Joke 🍎 For her birthday, I took my wife to an orchard and we stood there looking at the trees for half an hour. 🌳 Not the Apple Watch she was expecting, apparently. 😊

Chocolate is Healthy 😀

Dad Joke 🏍️ If my name was David and I had a boy, I would have to name him Harley. That way he could introduce himself, I’m Harley, David’s son 😊

Dad Joke 🌱 How do plants comfort each other when they're sad? 🌱 They photosympathize 😊

To Be or Not? ✏️

Dad Joke 🍞 Bread is a lot like the sun. 🍞 It rises in the yeast, and sets in the waist. 😊

A Responsible Person 🧍

Dad Joke 🍷 What do you call two punctuation marks having dinner? 🍷 Accommodate. 😊

Scotch Tape Haircut Did anyone get their hair cut like this?

Sorry Dave 👉 There’s just no money left to pay Dave 👉

Guardhouse 🤔 There are 6oo men in the guardhouse, waiting to go to war. Out of these guards, 5% are carrying one weapon. Of the remaining 95%, half are carrying two weapons and the others none. What is the total number of weapons in the guardhouse? 🤔 I will post the answer below later.

Dad Joke Not to brag, but I just got hired as a fitness model. 🧍‍♂️ They used me as the "before" picture. 😊

Dad Joke 🐝 A guy tried to sell me illegal bees to make free honey. 🐝 I said no, because I knew it was a sting operation. 😊

Mistakes 🐰

Dad Joke 👫 If “I am” is the shortest sentence in the English language, what’s the longest sentence? “I do.” 😊

What is it Doing? 🐶 What is this dog doing?

Dad Joke 🐔 My house is haunted by a chicken. 🐔 It’s actually a poultry-geist. A real fowl spirit. I called in an eggs-orcist. He helped it cross over to the other side. 😊

Why did you marry me? 💍