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Grandad Joke of the day The king's Meteorologist The king wanted to go fishing, and he asked the royal weather forecaster the forecast for the next few hours. The palace meteorologist assured him that there was no chance of rain. So the king and the queen went fishing. On the way he met a man...

Happened in a Bar A 76 year old man was having a drink in a bar. Suddenly a gorgeous girl enters and sits down a few seats away. The girl is so attractive that he can’t take his eyes off her. After a short while, the girl notices him staring, and approaches him. Before the man has time to...

Great Grand Dad Joke of the day Ethel and Mary. Two senior ladies Ethel and Mary were sitting on a park bench in a country town, across the road from the Local Village Hall watching people come and go to the Annual Flower Show. Ethel says to Mary, “Things are pretty dull around here, for $10...

Grandad Joke of the Day A guy walks in and asks the barman, "Is that Trump and Hegseth sitting over there?" The bartender says, "Yep, that's them." So the guy walks over and says, "Wow, this is a real honour!, What are you guys doing here?" Trump says, "We're planning World War III." Guy...

Grand Dad Joke of the Day Donald Trump and Pete Hegseth are have a drink in a bar. A guy walks in and asks the barman, "Is that Trump and Hegseth sitting over there?" The bartender says, "Yep, that's them." So the guy walks over and says, "Wow, this is a real honour!, What are you guys doing...

Granddad Joke of the Day The Haircut. A teenage boy had just passed his driving test and inquired of his father as to when they could discuss his use of the car. His father said he'd make a deal with his son, "You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little and get...

I Won An attractive blonde from Cork, Ireland arrived at the casino. She seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty-thousand Euros on a single roll of the dice. She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I’m completely naked.” With that, she stripped off, rolled the dice...

A bookie had had a winning day at Randwick. A man with a speech impediment came along and said I hhhad mmy 5ttt. The bookie said Nick off I didn't offer 5 to 1 on any race. The other man persisted and continued, my 5ttt. The bookie got annoyed and since he had a great day says to the man...

Sarah Hanson-Young and her chauffeur were cruising along a country road one evening just on dusk, an elderly cow staggered onto the road in front of the Limo, the driver tried to avoid it but couldn’t, resulting in the old cow being struck and killed. Sarah told the driver to go to the nearby...

Granddad Joke of the day Drinking Pals. Dave and Pete were a couple of drinking buddies who worked as aircraft Engineers in Canberra, Australia . One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do. Dave said, “Man, I wish we had something to drink!” Pete...

Page Boy As a 13/14 year old I secured a job as a page boy at the Regent Theatre in Sydney. All decked out in a brown suit with red trim and a pill box hat. Selling Screen News for a shilling. I received a commission of one half penny for every one I sold. Standing on the steps leading to the...

Great Granddad Joke of the day. Don’t Try to Outsmart a Teacher. Found on a refrigerator one morning, My Dear Wife, You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, being 54 years old, can no longer satisfy. I am very happy with you and value you as a wife. Therefore, after...

By 2040 There is more money being spent on breast implants and viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means by 2040, there will be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

Smart Old Man An elderly man owned a large property in Queensland. He had a dam in one of the lower paddocks where many years ago he planted mango and avocado trees. The dam had been set up for swimming when it was built and he had installed some picnic tables in the shade of the fruit...

Great Grandad Joke of the day Two “Senior” widows were talking to each other. Wilma says, “That nice Billy Fleck asked me out for a date, I know that you went out with him last week and I wanted to know about him before I give him an answer.” Wanda says, “Well I tell you, what a fine...

Council Engineers Jay & Billy, two Irish government mechanical engineers standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up. A woman walked by and asked what they were doing. “We're supposed to find the height of the flagpole,” said Billy, “but we don't have a ladder.” The woman said, “Hand me...

Granddad Joke of the day. A teacher asked her class of 10 year old students, "Class can you give me an example of the word beautiful". Mary stands up and says, "My big sister is beautiful". "That's very thoughtful Mary" Barry says, "The sky when the sun is setting is beautiful". "That is an...

Brick Barbie Built mine in the back yard in Canberra. Plan was in the Readers Digest DIY manual, 60 years on and I still have the manual.

Daddy, how was I born? A little boy goes to his father and asks "Daddy, how was I born?" The other answers, "Well son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Your Mum and I first got together in a chat room on Yahoo. Then I set up a date via email with your Mum and we met at a...

Granddad Joke of the Day Everyone seems to be in such a hurry to scream 'racism' these days. A customer asked a shop assistant, "In what aisle could I find the Guinness?" The shop assistant asks, "Are you Irish?" The guy, clearly offended, says, "Yes I am. But let me ask you something...