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Double Tragedy A blonde woman went to work crying her boss asked if she was OK, the blonde said my mum died last night the boss asked would you like to take some time off she replied I would rather be here to help take my mind off of it .OK said the boss, later that morning the boss sees...

The $1000 Bet! A local bar prided itself on having the strongest man in the village behind the counter. They even had a standing $1000 bet to prove it. The challenge? The barman would squeeze a lemon until every last drop of juice was gone. Then, anyone who could squeeze out another drop would...

Daylight Robbery

Password During a recent password audit, it was found that a blonde was using the following password: "MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofyCanberra" When asked why such a long password, she said she was told that it had to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital.

Air Apparent! The wife and I took a long, leisurely drive out to the country and pulled over to fill up our car's gas tank and tires... She was surprised to see that the station had a fee to fill the tires and asked me, "Why in the world do they charge for AIR?!" I responded, "Inflation."

The Ex Factor! Tim decided to tie the knot with his long time girlfriend. One evening, after the honeymoon, he was organizing his golfing equipment. His wife was standing nearby watching him. After a long period of silence she finally speaks: "Tim, I've been thinking, now that we're married...

The Gift!

It's A Lay Day! A golfer sliced a ball into a field of chickens, striking one of the hens and killing it instantly. He was understandably upset and sought out the farmer. “I’m sorry,” he said, “my terrible tee shot hit one of your hens and killed it. Can I replace the hen?” “I don’t know about...

Deflation!

How AI Was Born!!!

Sexy Monkey (Adult Content)

Completely Finished Is it "complete", "finished", or "completely finished"? No English dictionary has been able to adequately explain the difference between these two words - "Complete" or "Finished". In a recent linguistic competition held in London and attended by, supposedly, the best in...

Inflation! A little old lady sold pretzels on a street corner for 25 cents each. Every day a young man would leave his office building at lunch time and, as he passed her pretzel stand, he would leave her a quarter, but would never take a pretzel. This went on for more than five years. The...

Olaf

A Plethora Of One Liners!

My Dog! My dog sleeps about 20 hours a day. He has his food prepared for him. He can eat whenever he wants. His meals are provided at no cost to him. He visits the Dr. once a year for his checkup, and again during the year if any medical needs arise. For this he pays nothing and nothing is...

Teasers! I've started investing in stocks: beef, vegetable, chicken. One day I hope to be a bouillianaire. I accidentally rubbed ketchup in my eyes. Now I have Heinzsight. Scientifically, a raven has 17 primary wing feathers, the big ones at the end of the wing are called pinion feathers. A...

Supersex! " Paddy, you have been an inmate of the Happy Valley retirement home for quite a few years, and today is your 90th birthday..........." " As a special birthday gift, around 7pm tonight a sexy young nurse will enter your room and dance naked before you, then have supersex with...

Pre Tarriffs! The former President is disembarking his private plane, carrying his tiny dog. One of his Secret Service men says, "Nice dog, sir." The President says, "Thanks, I got it for the former First Lady." The Secret Service man replies, "Nice trade, sir."

Tunnel Vision!