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Julie Andrews Did you hear that Julie Andrews will no longer endorse cheap lipstick? It crumbles easily and makes her breath smell. She explained, " The super fragile lipstick gives me halitosis".

You're welcome.

Try these two... Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, whi ch made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him.... A super-calloused fragile mystic...

Have you got a Prado? Have You Got A Prado? On a farm lived a chicken and a horse who loved to play together. One day the two were playing when the horse fell into a bog and began to sink. Scared for his friend's life, the chicken began to think. Off the chicken ran, back to the farm...

Those were the days...

If Abbey Road was released today...

Spelling

Little Ralphy Little RALPHY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed to go to the toilet. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!!" The teacher replied, 'Now, RALPHY, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate.'...

Two elderly women Two older women were outside their nursing home, having a smoke, when it started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette, and continued smoking. First Lady: What's that? Second Lady: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get...

Remember......

Why I'm a Wine Drinker To my friends who enjoy a glass of wine... And those who don't. As Ben Franklin said: In wine there is wisdom, In beer there is freedom, In water there is bacteria. In a number of carefully controlled trials, Scientists have demonstratedthat if we drink 1 liter...

Role Playing

It started with a kiss......

All I Need is a Miracle A woman was walking along the beach when she stumbled upon a genie's lamp. She picked it up and rubbed it. Lo-and-behold a genie appeared. The amazed woman asked if she got three wishes. The Genie said, "Nope. Due to inflation, constant downsizing, low wages in...

On the phone...

Sir Douglas Bader

A Bit Punny.... An invisible man married an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either. I didn't think the chiropractor would improve my posture. But I stand corrected. I took my new girlfriend out on our first date to the ice rink, and entry was half price. She called me a...