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Retired Marine A retired US Marine was looking for a new job. He finally found one that appealed to his interests. At the interview, he was asked, “Do you have any military experience?” The Marine replied, “Why, yes! I’ve been in the Marines for a couple of years.” “I see,” said the...

Hospital Privacy A woman, calling a local hospital, said, “Hello, I’d like to talk with the person who gives the information regarding your patients. I’d like to find out if the patient is getting better, or doing as expected, or is getting worse”. The voice on the other end of the line said...

Three Couples Three couples went to a restaurant. The women wanted to compliment the men with something that was on the table. “Could you pass me the sugar, sugar?” said the first gal. “Could you pass me the honey, honey?” said the second. “Could you pass me the bacon, pig?” said the third.

Birthday A husband and wife are in line at the grocery store. The clerk asks if they have a preferred shopper’s card. “Yes,” says the wife, “but I left it at home.” The clerk says they could look it up by birthday. The woman gives her birthday, but they can’t find her card in the system...

The Silver Plate A mom visits her son for dinner who lives with a girl as a roommate. During his meal, his mother couldn’t help but notice how pretty his roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two and this had only made her more curious. Over the course of...

The Whole Truth At school, a boy was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, “I know the whole truth”. The boy decides to go home and try it out. He goes home, and as he is greeted by his mother...

My Sponge Little Johnny runs into the bathroom just as his mother is stepping out of the shower and curiously points to her triangle of hair and asks: “Mommy what’s that?” somewhat flustered she quickly replies: “Well dear that is my sponge.” Content with her answer off he goes…Later he runs...

One Smart Student The story of the 3 Oxford students skinny dipping in the river back in the 1800’s. A boatload of ladies paddles by. Two guys put their hands over their crotch, the third covers his face. the boatload giggles and keeps on going. When they gt around the bend, out of sight, the...

Tax Man and Boat Owner The IRS suspected a fishing boat owner wasn’t paying proper wages to his Deckhand, so they sent an agent to investigate him. IRS AGENT: “I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them.” Boat Owner: “Well, there’s Clarence, my deckhand, he’s been with me for...

Big Monster A woman walked into a bar with a big, vicious-looking monster on a leash. “Sorry, madam,” said the bartender, “but that creature looks dangerous. You’ll have to tie him up outside.” The woman took the monster outside, then came back and ordered a drink. She was just finishing it...

Tongue Twister Accident Just a Tongue Twister Accident A guy with a black eye boards his plane and sits down in his seat. He notices immediately that the guy next to him has a black eye, too. He says to him, “Hey this is a coincidence, we both have black eyes; mind if I ask how you got yours?”...

Each Member Of This Church… During an impassioned sermon about death and final judgement, the pastor said forcefully, “Each member of this church is going to die and face judgement.” Glancing down at the front pew, he noticed a man with a big smile on his face. The minister repeated his...

Dead Mama A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out. Her boss, concerned about his employee’s well being, asks sympathetically, “What’s the matter?” The blonde replies, “Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away.” “I’m terribly sorry to hear...

The Diagnosis A man hasn’t been feeling well, so he goes to his doctor for a complete checkup. Afterward the doctor comes in with the results. “I’m afraid I have some very bad news,” the doctor says. “You’re dying, and you don’t have much time left.” “Oh, that’s terrible!” says the man...

Three Envelopes A bright young executive had just been hired as the new CEO of a large high tech firm. The CEO who was stepping down met with him privately and handed him three numbered envelopes. “Open these if you run up against a problem you don’t think you can handle,” he said. Well...

New Motorcycle An engineering student was walking across campus when another engineer rides up on a shiny new motorcycle. “Where did you get such a great bike?”, asked the first. The second engineer replied, “Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman...

Amusement Park One evening, on her first date, a blonde went to an amusement park with her boyfriend. After they went on the roundabout, the boy said, “What do you want to do next?” The girl said, “I want to be weighed.” So he weighed the blonde on a guess the weight game. Then they went on...

Do you think he’ll jump? Jack, a handsome man, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 pm… He sat down next to this blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV as the 10:00 news came on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump. The blonde...

Curious Tommy For weeks, a six-year old lad kept telling his first-grade teacher about the baby brother or sister that was expected at his house. One day, the mother allowed the boy to feel the movements of the unborn child. The six-year old was obviously impressed, but made no comment...

Buying Condoms A man walks into a pharmacy and asks for a pack of condoms. As soon as he has paid for them, he starts laughing and walks out. The next day, the same performance, with the man walking out laughing, fit to bust. The pharmacist thinks this odd and asks his assistant, if the man...