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Buying Turkeys A woman walks into a butcher’s shop just before closing time and asks, “Do you have any turkey?” The butcher opens his fridge, takes out his only turkey and puts it on the weighing scales. It weighs three kilogrammes. The woman looks at the turkey and at the scales and asks, “Do...

What? A husband, proving to his wife that women talk more than men, showed her a study that indicated that men use on the average only fifteen thousand words a day, whereas women use thirty thousand words a day. “Well,” she replied, “that’s because women have to repeat everything they say...

The Stutterer A young man was inspired to help with his church’s fundraiser. He asked the preacher if he could go door to door selling Bibles. The preacher agreed, but knowing that the young man stuttered, he gave him only 3 Bibles to sell. The next day, the young man returned and asked for...

Kids Names A woman had 8 children, all of them boys. So, one day a magazine sent a journalist to her house for an interview. He asked her about the boys and what their names were. She said 'Kevin'. 'Right', he said, 'what about that blond one over there?' 'Kevin', she said. 'Oh, and the tall...

The Best Gunfighter Alive This young Cowboy in the Old West wanted to be the best gunfighter alive. One night as he was sitting in a saloon, he spotted an old man who had the reputation of being the greatest gunfighter in his day. The young Cowboy walked up to the old man and told him his...

The Old Lady And The Dentist A dentist was getting ready to clean an elderly lady's teeth. He noticed that she was a little nervous, so he began to tell her a story as he was putting on his surgical gloves... "Do you know how they make these rubber gloves?" She said, "No?" "Well," he...

Unfortunately I don't know how to download the Youtube link? Now, I was just an ordinary English man Till I got me uniform and hat And ever since that hour I exercise me power Preventing you from doing this and that You'll find me on the turnstiles at the zoo Or outside the Roxy Marshall in the...

A Lecture After a party, one man was in no shape to drive, so he wisely left his car and walked home. As he was walking unsteadily along, he was stopped by a policeman. “What are you doing out here at 2 o’clock in the morning?” the officer asked. “I’m going to a lecture,” the man said. “And...

This dog’s a genius! As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop, he sees a $10 and a note in his mouth, reading: “5 lamb chops, please.” Amazed, he takes the money, puts a bag of chops in the dog’s mouth,and quickly closes the shop. He follows the dog and watches him wait for a green light...

Pope’s Crossword Puzzle A man was sitting next to the Pope on a cross-country flight. The Pope was doing a crossword puzzle. He turned to the man and asked “Do you know a four-letter word for ‘woman’ that ends in U-N-T?” The man thought for a minute and said “Aunt.” “Oh yes, of course,” the...

Traffic Ticket Once a blond police officer stopped a man and asked for his driving license. She saw it and told the man “it says here that you must wear glasses” The man said “I have contacts” The blond said “I don’t care who you know, you are still getting a traffic ticket”

Say Cheese! Jane Brown walked in to the dentist office to make an appointment. “How much do you charge to pull out a tooth?” she asked. “It’s $130,″ was the prompt reply. “$130!” gasped Jane, “that’s ridiculous! There must be a way for you to go cheaper.” “Well,” said the dentist...

As the blind men said as he walked past the Fish Market, GOODNIGHT GIRLS.

Struggling Artist A struggling artist stops by the studio where his recent work is hanging for sale. The owner tells him he has good news and bad news. “The good news is that a man dropped by the studio today and put in an offer to buy every single piece. He just wanted my guarantee that the...

Sharp Retort A young, beautiful woman gets into the elevator, smelling like expensive perfume. She turns to an old woman and says arrogantly, “Giorgio Beverly Hills, $100 an ounce!” Another young, beautiful woman gets onto the elevator and also smells of very expensive perfume. She arrogantly...

A Man was Praying He looks up to the sky and says, “God, can you answer one question for me?” “Sure, my son,” God says, “what do you want to know?” “God, what does a million years mean to you?” “Well,” says God, “a million years to me is a second.” “Hmm,” says the man. “I think I understand...

Can You Keep an Eye On My Car? A tourist climbed out of his hire-car in downtown Washington, D.C. He was intent on visiting the White House and take in the city's other world-famous sights, but he felt hungry so he decided to pop into a store to buy himself a snack. As he pulled up to the curb...

Blonde Swimming In A River A blonde is swimming in a river. A man walks up and asks her, “What are you doing in there?” She says, “I’m washing my clothes.” The man asks, “Why don’t you use a washing machine?” The blonde says, “I tried that, but it was too dizzy.”

Teacher to primary schooL boy "Where's Pakistan" Primary school boy. "In the playground with Pakifred."

Thanks for that. Maybe its for me to pack it in.