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EBay Got home from work today to find that my kids have been on ebay all day. If they are still there tomorrow I will lower the price.

Too Tired To Think! 8am: Too tired to think. Noon: Too tired to think. 5pm: Too tired to think. Midnight: How do dragons blow out candles?

Pistol Packin! Teacher : Can anyone give me a sentence with the word “pistol” in it ? Sophie : “ My daddy is a soldier, he has a suit , he has a sword, a bayonet and he has a pistol too” Teacher : “ Very good Sophie. “ Johnny : “ Miss, my father isn’t a soldier, he doesn’t have a suit of blue...

Poser Mrs. Applebee, the 6th grade teacher, posed the following problem to one of her math classes: "A wealthy man dies and leaves ten million dollars. One-fifth is to go to his wife, one-fifth is to go to his son, one-sixth to his butler, and the rest to charity. Now, what does each get?"...

Easy Peasy! A young man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and is going to get married. He says, "Just for fun, Ma, I'm going to bring over three women and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry." The mother agrees and the next day he brings three beautiful women into the...

Heating Up! When I was in school, I used to ask a lot of questions. One day I asked Ms. Doris, our English teacher, "Why do we ignore some letters 'H' like in hour, honest, honor, etc?" Ms. Doris replied, "We are not ignoring them. They are considered silent." During the lunch break, Ms. Doris...

Fervid Fan! Man: I can't sleep at night, I keep seeing donkeys playing football. Doctor: I am going to give you some medicine, start using it tonight. Man: Can I start tomorrow? Doctor: Why tomorrow? Man: Tonight is the finals.

Movie Night (Adult Content)

''What A Wonderful World''

Visiting Grandma Grandma, who was becoming an evermore intimidating personality as the years went on, was giving directions to her grown grandson who was coming to visit with his wife. "You come to the front door of the apartment complex. I am in apartment 14T. There is a big panel at the...

''Thank God'' A man needed a horse, so he went to a church and got one. Before he left, the priest told him that it was a special horse. In order to make the horse go, you say, ''Thank God'', and for it to stop you say, "Amen". So the man left, and a few minutes later he dozed off on his...

Toupee or Not Toupee A man was going bald and told his friends he was going to get a rabbit tattooed on his head as it was a lot cheaper than an implant or a toupée. His friends asked how getting a...

Huntin'& Fishin! An 80-year-old Saskatchewan farmer goes to the clinic in Saskatoon for a check-up. The doctor is amazed at what good shape the guy is in and asks, 'How do you stay in such great physical condition?' 'I'm from Sask and in my spare time I like to hunt and fish' says the old...

Truisms

INTERESTING OBSERVATION INTERESTING OBSERVATION 1. The sport of choice for the urban poor is BASKETBALL. 2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is BOWLING. 3. The sport of choice for front-line workers is FOOTBALL. 4. The sport of choice for...

Mrs Ravioli Mrs. Ravioli comes to visit her son Anthony for dinner. He lives with a female roommate, Maria. During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty Anthony's roommate is. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder...

Looks Like We're In For A Bad Spell!

''Hey, Hey, It's The Monkees''! My wife said she was leaving me because of my obsession with ''The Monkees'', I thought she was joking, "And then I saw her face"

Kevin Sent! A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly behaved 3 year-old grandson. It's obvious to her that he has his hands full with the child screaming for sweets in the sweet aisle, biscuits in the biscuit aisle; and for fruit, cereal and pop in the other...

ONLY A BANKER WOULD THINK LIKE THIS The CEO of Euro Exim Bank Ltd, Kaushik Punjani made economists think when he said: ′′A cyclist is a disaster for the country's economy: he doesn't buy cars and doesn't borrow money to buy them. He doesn't pay for insurance. He doesn't buy fuel. He doesn't...