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Thumbs Up! A traffic cop stopped a woman for a minor traffic violation. After examining her driver's license in silence for a moment, he said, "You know something? This is one of the finest, most realistic pictures I've ever seen. I'm glad to see you aren't one of those vain women who have...

Personality Assessment. We recently done a personality assessment at work and one of my work mates asked me if I would share the results with my wife. That would require me to go home and say to my wife and say, ‘’Hi Honey, I just paid someone $400 to tell me what’s wrong with me.’’ ‘’What’s...

It Ain't Me! It was a really hot day at the office due to a malfunction with the air conditioning system. There were about twenty people in close quarters and everyone was sweating, even with a fan on. All of a sudden, people started to wrinkle their noses at an odour passing through the...

10 Disgusting Facts About Fast Food

Punctuation is Powerful. An English professor wrote these words. "A woman without her man is nothing" On the chalkboard and asked to punctuate correctly. All of the males in the class wrote : "A woman, without her man, is nothing" All of the females in the class wrote : "A woman: without her...

Phew!!!!

It's The Thought! My wife just opened the door for me. It would have been a nice gesture if we hadn’t been going 70 kilometres per hour at the time

Flatterer! I was at the hardware store to get a duplicate of my car key made when the store clerk said, “You’re a model?” It was exactly what a woman in her mid-30’s wanted to hear. “Well, no, I’m not,” I said, blushing. “But, I’m flattered that...“ He stopped me right there, pointed to my...

If Drinking, take a Bus! A warning to all you, be careful about drink driving as we are getting close to Christmas and the Police are out there in their numbers checking on people. Last night I was out for a few drinks. One thing led to another and I had a few too many beers and then went...

Country Driving. An elderly couple was driving across the country. While the woman was behind the wheel, the couple was pulled over by the highway police. “Ma’am, did you know you were speeding?” the officer said. The woman, hard of hearing, turned to her husband and asked, “What did he say?”...

Book Em! Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one – and let the other one off.

''Not Guilty!'' A man is on trial for armed robbery. The jury comes back with the verdict. The foreman stands, clear his throat and announces, “Not guilty.” The defendant leaps to his feet. “Awesome!” he shouts. “Does that mean I get to keep the money?”

Knock! Knock! A police officer knocked on my door this morning, but I just locked it and sat there in complete silence. After 20 seconds he knocked again, but I just continued to ignore it. The knocks got louder and more frequent, but I was determined not to move in the hope that he would...

PHILOSOPHICAL OBSERVATIONS My girlfriend says I'm cheap, so I took her out for tea and biscuits. It was quite exciting as she had never given blood before. Non-alcoholic beer is like watching porn on the radio My wife wants me to wear a bracelet that belonged to her grandfather. It says "Do...

An Exchange Of Text Messages

Poor Preacher

When You're Having A Bad Day.

Silver Linings! The parents were very disappointed in the grades that their son brought home. "The only consolation I can find in these awful grades," lamented the father, "is that I know he's not cheating on his exams."

Longing! A bent-over old lady hobbled into a doctor's office. Within minutes, she came out again but miraculously, she was standing up as straight as could be. A man in the waiting room, who had been watching her, said in amazement, "My goodness, what did the doctor do to you?" The old lady...

English Can Be So Difficult! There is no EGG in EGGPLANT nor HAM in HAMBURGER; neither APPLE nor PINE in PINEAPPLE. ENGLISH MUFFINS weren't invented in ENGLAND. QUICKSAND can work SLOWLY, BOXING RINGS are SQUARE, and a GUINEA PIG is neither from GUINEA nor is it a PIG. And why is it that...