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Stranded on an Island One day a man, who had been stranded on a desert island for over ten years sees an unusual speck on the horizon. "It's certainly not a ship", he thinks to himself. As the speck gets closer and closer he begins to rule out the possibilities of a small boat, then even a...

Summerland Point

He Said to Me He Said To Me! He said to me . . . I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it I said to him . ….. You wear pants don't you? He said to me ...... Shall we try swapping positions tonight? I said . That's a good idea - you stand by the stove & sink while I sit...

You think English is easy??? Read on ..... 1) The bandage was wound around the wound. 2) The farm was used to produce produce . 3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse. 4) We must polish the Polish furniture. 5) He could lead if he would get the lead out. 6) The...

Good Deed ....... Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole. The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in...

History Mystery Have a history teacher explain this----- if they can. Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846. John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946. Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860. John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960. Both were particularly...

Just Married A young Chinese couple gets married. She's a virgin. Truth be told, he is a virgin too, but she doesn't know that. On their wedding night, she cowers naked under the sheets as her husband undresses in the darkness. He climbs into bed next to her and tries to be reassuring. 'My...

Milk Bath A blonde heard that milk baths would make her beautiful. She left a note for her milkman to leave 60 litres of milk. When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 6 litres. So he knocked on the door to clarify the point. The blonde...

Yes and my friend who was addicted to brake fluid assured me he could stop at any time. Cheers

3 Women THREE WOMEN, TWO YOUNGER, AND ONE SENIOR CITIZEN, WERE SITTING NAKED IN A SAUNA. SUDDENLY THERE WAS A BEEPING SOUND. THE YOUNG WOMAN PRESSED HER FOREARM AND THE BEEP STOPPED. THE OTHERS LOOKED AT HER QUESTIONINGLY. 'THAT WAS MY PAGER,' SHE SAID. I HAVE A MICROCHIP UNDER THE SKIN OF...

Older Woman Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer? Traffic Cop: Yes ma'am, I'm afraid you were speeding. Older Woman: Oh, I see. Traffic Cop: Can I see your license please? Older Woman: Well, I would give it to you but I don't have one. Traffic Cop: Don't have one? Older Woman: No. I...

Bad News? A mother passing by her son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then, she saw an envelope propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, 'Mum'. With the worst premonition, she opened the envelope and read the letter with...

Harry A first-grade teacher, Ms Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked "Harry, what's your problem?" Harry answered "I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!" Ms. Brooks...

Little Fire Engine A little girl is wearing a fireman's helmet and has a cart tied to a dog and a cat. A fire-fighter walks over to take a closer look: 'That's a lovely fire engine,' he says admiringly. 'Thanks,' says the little girl. The fireman looks closer and notices the little girl has...

George Carlin's view on ageing. Do you realise that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about ageing that you think in fractions. 'How old are you?' 'I'm four and a half!' You're never thirty-six and a...

The English Plural We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes, But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes. One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese, Yet the plural of moose should never be meese. You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice, Yet the plural of house is houses...

Ponder these imponderables for a moment....... 1. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented? 2. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes? 3. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy...