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Logic A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson in logic. "Here is the situation" she said. "A man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yelling for help. His wife hears the commotion, knows he can't...

A teacher's story about Stuttering A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students. "Human beings are the only animals that stutter,' she says A little girl raises her hand. 'I had a kitty-cat who stuttered.' The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become...

Sex after Death SEX AFTER DEATH A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other if there is sex after death. Their biggest fear was that there was no after life at all. After a long life together, the husband was the first to die. True to his word, he made the...

27 Lines to make you SMILE 1. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't. 2. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every damn minute of it. 3. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them. 4. I used to have a handle on life, but it...

A Couple of short ones............. A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time… I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about...

Wrong Place..... A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional booth, sits down, but says nothing. The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention but the drunk continues to sit there. Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall . The drunk mumbles, "ain't no use...

The English Language as she is spoke! .... You Think English is Easy? Can you read these right the first time? 1) The bandage was wound around the wound. 2) The farm was used to produce produce. 3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse. 4) We must polish the Polish...

A 2am Police Stop An elderly man is stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night. The man replies, "I am on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late." The officer then...

Reasons not to mess with kids..... A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a...

The Confession A bride on her wedding night says to her husband 'I must confess darling, I was a hooker!'. He says 'That's all right, dear. Your past is your past, but I must admit that I find it quite erotic. Tell me about it'. She replies 'Well, my name was Nigel, and I played for Wigan!'.

The Midget A guy calls his buddy, the horse rancher, and says he's sending a friend over to look at a horse. His buddy asks "How will I recognise him?" "That's easy; he's a midget with a speech impediment". So, the midget shows up, and the guy asks him if he's looking for a male or female...

Harry A first-grade teacher, Ms Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked "Harry, what's your problem?" Harry answered "I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!" Ms. Brooks...

Biology Exam. Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term exam. The last question was, 'Name seven advantages of Mother's Milk. The question was worth 70 points or none at all. One student, in particular, was hard put to think of seven advantages. However, he wrote: 1)...

Summerland Point

Ever Wonder? EVER WONDER ... Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin? Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed? Why don't you ever see the headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'? Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word? Why is it that doctors call what they do 'practice'...

Woman at Hardware Fred asked his wife Mary if she would go to Bunnings Warehouse and pick up a hinge. Mary agreed to go. While she was waiting for the employee to finish serving a customer, her eye caught a beautiful bathroom tap set. When the employee was finished, Mary asked him, "How much is...

2am Police Stop. An elderly man is stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night. The man replies, "I am on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late." The officer then...

Two Older Ladies Two older women were outside their nursing home, having a smoke, when it started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette, and continued smoking. First Lady: What's that? Second Lady: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get...

It's Hell to be Old OLD people have problems that you haven't even considered yet! An 85-year-old man was requested by his doctor for a sperm count as part of his physical exam. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, 'Take this jar home and bring back a semen sample tomorrow.' The next day...