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Incredible We were doing some home renovations and incredibly, when we knocked down a wall, we found a secret fully furnished room. And, it was only then that I remembered that we live in a duplex!

Police Report A priest is driving down a country road when he comes across a pig lying dead on the road. He contacts the local police station to inform them of his find. A cocky desk sergeant laughed and said, ''Did you read him his last rites?'' ''No'', said the priest, ''I thought I'd inform...

Frustrated! A woman, frustrated because her husband was late coming home from golf yet again, decided to leave a note that read, "I've had enough. I'm leaving you. Don't try to find me." She then hid under the bed to watch his reaction. Soon after, her husband came home. She could hear him in...

Outer Control! I always preferred the English spelling of ‘’diarrhea’’ which is ‘’diarrhoea’’ because it really looks like you’ve lost control of your vowels.

Making A Pass! Me: What’s the Wi-Fi password? Bartender: You need to buy a drink first. Me: Okay, I’ll have a coke. Bartender: Is Pepsi okay? Me: Sure. How much is that? Bartender: $3. Me: There you go. So what’s the Wi-Fi password? Bartender: You need to buy a drink first. No spaces, all...

Be Aware!

Dental Appointment! I called the dentist earlier to enquire about the price of a tooth extraction. "$425", the girl on the end of the phone told me. "That seems a little expensive", I said. "I'm working on a very tight budget here. Is there anything you can cut out to bring the price down?"...

Kung Fu Fighting I was sitting at a bar last night and this Asian looking fella sits down next to me and takes a sip of beer. I glance over at him and ask if he knows any of those martial arts like Kung fu, or Karate or Ju Jitsu. He says, "No, Damn you man!? Are you asking because I'm...

Are You Lonely?

Sweet Meet! The foreman on a large worksite noticed a new labourer one day and barked at him: "What's your name?" "John." The new bloke replied. The Foreman scowled. "Look, I don't know what kind of wishy-washy worksite you were on before, but I don't call anyone by their first name. It's weak...

What You Need!

What A Put Down! A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. He says, "my dog's cross-eyed, can you do anything for him?" The vet says "Mmm, let me see". He picks the dog up and checks its eyes.... then he checks its teeth. Then the vet says, "I'm going to have to put him down" The man is shocked...

Everybody!

''Skol!!!

Just Deserts!

The Interview! Tim was in a terrible accident at work. He fell through a floor tile and ripped off both of his ears. Since he was permanently disfigured, he settled with the company for a rather large sum of money and went on his way. One day, Tim decided to invest his money in a small, but...

Hotting Things Up! My wife decided that we should try role play to spice up our sex life, she bought herself a Nurse's uniform and bought me a white coat and stethoscope so we could play Doctors and Nurses. 20 minutes in, I was just getting warmed up and had diagnosed halitosis, piles...

Perfection! Paddy walked into a bar and ordered a drink on his way home from work.... He sat next to an Asian man who wanted to talk about his Martial arts expertise, he suddenly jumped to his feet leapt into the air and landed a kick underneath Paddy's chin.... " That my flend is a martial...

Short Shorts! I arrived early to a restaurant. The manager said ''Do you mind waiting a bit?'' I said ''No.'' ''Good'' he said, ''Take these drinks to table 9.'' ***** My liquid diet is going great. After 4 tequila shots, I no longer care how fat I am...

My First Day As A Cop.