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Take Notice!

What Does Your Father Do?

Doctor Shopping A husband ( a doctor ) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table. Husband gets up in a rage and says . “ And you are no good in bed either “ And storms out of the house. After some time he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and rings her up. She comes...

The Spice Of life

On A High A flight instructor and a rookie pilot are flying in a small plane. The flight instructor asks the rookie: "Have you ever flown solo?" The rookie responds: "No, usually I fly higher than this."

Nicknames!

Debt Free "I am overjoyed! Soon I will be able to payoff all my loans and at last be debt free. I'm on my way to the bank, thrilled to know that in a very short while I will finally have all the money I need to begin enjoying life for once. I am so excited I can hardly get my ski mask on."

IF YOU MARRY AN IRISH GIRL The first man married a woman from Italy. He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away. The second man married a woman from Poland...

Fascinating The teacher asked the class to use the word 'fascinate' in a sentence. Molly put up her hand and said, 'My family went to my granddad's farm and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating.' The teacher said, 'That was good, but I wanted you to use the word fascinate, not...

Accompanist! “Grandpa, do you mind if I play my new harmonica in here?” asked little Phil. “Of course not, Phil. I love music In fact, when your grandma and I were young, music saved my life." “What happened?” asked Phil. "Well, it was during the famous Johnstown flood. The dam broke and when...

Becks! David Beckham gets into a taxi at Dublin airport, he sees the driver looking at him for about 5 minutes in the rear-view mirror. Eventually the driver says, ‘’Okay, give us a clue then.’’ Beckham sighs and replies, ‘’Well I had a glittering career for Man United, married a Spice Girl and...

Just Following Instructions! My son and his wife stopped by today unannounced to visit. I wouldn't answer the door but I did hold up my new medicine container and pointed to the instructions. Instructions read: "Take one tablet daily and keep away from children."

The man Who Has Everything!

Rectal Thermometer Testing!

150 Years Old! A plumber (The Royalty of all Trades) dies in a car accident on his 50th birthday and finds himself at the Pearly Gates. A brass band is playing, the angels are singing a beautiful hymn, there is a huge crowd cheering and shouting his name and absolutely everyone wants to shake...

Favourites In church last Sunday, I heard a sweet elderly lady in the pew next to me saying a prayer. It was so innocent and sincere that I just had to share it with you: "Dear Lord - The last few years have been very tough. You have taken my favourite actor - Paul Newman; My favourite...

kids!

Nothing as good as Australian Bush Poetry!

Horsing Around! A man was sitting quietly reading his paper one morning, peacefully enjoying himself, when his wife sneaks up behind him and whacks him on the back of his head with a huge frying pan. MAN: "What was that for?" WIFE: "What was that piece of paper in your pants pocket with the...

Flower People! So two older gentlemen are sitting in the yard of one of their homes, enjoying some sun. 'Hey,' said one of them, 'My doctor gave me these pills for my memory loss. I'm telling you, since I've been taking them, I can remember everything I do.' 'That's great, Harry,' said the...