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When You're Having A Bad Day.

Silver Linings! The parents were very disappointed in the grades that their son brought home. "The only consolation I can find in these awful grades," lamented the father, "is that I know he's not cheating on his exams."

Longing! A bent-over old lady hobbled into a doctor's office. Within minutes, she came out again but miraculously, she was standing up as straight as could be. A man in the waiting room, who had been watching her, said in amazement, "My goodness, what did the doctor do to you?" The old lady...

English Can Be So Difficult! There is no EGG in EGGPLANT nor HAM in HAMBURGER; neither APPLE nor PINE in PINEAPPLE. ENGLISH MUFFINS weren't invented in ENGLAND. QUICKSAND can work SLOWLY, BOXING RINGS are SQUARE, and a GUINEA PIG is neither from GUINEA nor is it a PIG. And why is it that...

Aw Crap!

Pain In The Back!

Losers!

Toe Be Or Not Toe Be! The main function of the little toe on your foot, is to make sure that all the furniture in the house is in the right place.

Putter Up! Tiger Woods and Stevie Wonder are in a bar. Tiger turns to Stevie and says, "How's the singing career going?" Stevie replies, "Not too bad. How's the golf?" Woods replies, "Not too bad. I've had some problems with my swing but I think I've got that right now." Stevie: "I always find...

Keep The Meter Running! A man returns home a day early from a business trip. It's after midnight. While en route home, he asks the cabby if he would be a witness. The man suspects his wife is having an affair, and he wants to catch her in the act. For $100, the cabby agrees. Quietly arriving...

Jake Pauls Next Opponent

Operational!

Hearing Problems.

Out Of Sight!

Call 911

Tiqued Off! The wife told her husband, "Let's go shopping for antiques today. I'm feeling Victorian." "No," he said, "let's not... Today, I'm feeling baroque!"

Be Careful How You Answer!

Dis-Organised! One day a man was waking along the beach when he tripped over a lamp. He turned around and kicked the lamp out of anger. A few seconds later, a genie popped out of the lamp. Reluctantly, the genie said, "Even though you kicked me, I still have to give you three wishes. However...

Rolls Royce An Englishman and a Dutchman are sitting in a pub. The Dutchman says to the Englishman, “Every time I see you in here you walk out with a different girl. What’s your secret?” The Englishman replies, “It’s really easy. As soon as I walk into the pub, I casually toss my Rolls Royce...

Close Shave