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What to do with a penguin A bloke comes into a service station for fuel. The attendant notices that he has a penguin in his car. The attendant says to him, "What's with the penguin in your car?" The bloke replies, "Oh, I found it wandering on the road a few kilometres back" The attendant says...

Buying the Paintings An artist asked a gallery owner if there had been any interest in her paintings that were on display. "Well, I have good news and bad news," the owner responded. "The good news is that a gentleman noticed your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your...

Drinking Problem A bloke comes into a pub, goes to the bar and says to the barman, "Give us a pint, thanks, mate." So the barman gives him a pint of beer. The bloke skols half the glass and suddenly throws the other half into the barman's face. The barman stands there looking shocked as beer...

Pre-natal classes (with husband) The room was full of pregnant women with their husbands. The instructor said, "Ladies, remember that exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. It strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make delivery that much easier. Just pace yourself, make...

Biker at the zoo THE MEDIA: One day at the zoo a young child leaned over the Lion's enclosure wall too far, overbalanced and fell in. The lion immediately loped over towards the child and was obviously going to attack. Nearby stood a big, muscular and heavily tattooed biker. Without hesitation...

Forgetful Priest The local parish priest is furious. Somebody has stolen his bicycle. He tells his housekeeper, "I have a suspicion young Johnny may have taken my bike but I don't have proof." The housekeeper replies, "Why don't you do a sermon on the ten commandments next Sunday. When you get...

Nuns run out of petrol Two nuns were driving along National Highway One out in the middle of nowhere when their car ran out of petrol. The two sisters stood by the vehicle wondering what to do when a petrol tanker pulled up. The truck driver assessed the situation and said he could give them...