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When a parent becomes controlling and cruel, is going no-contact the only option?
AIBU, which stands for 'Am I Being Unreasonable', is the perfect platform for sharing your thoughts and opinions! So, for today's AIBU discussion, we have this story from Reddit/Emergency_Cookie_513:
'I (32 F) have bought an apartment. It's been a long road as I've wanted to move out of my parents home for ages, but I could never afford it until now. I have gone through the whole buying process keeping it a secret from my dad.'
'For context I don't have a good relationship with my dad, he is a very angry and bitter man and is emotionally abusive. My mum and I are always walking on egg shells. He is less than supportive and easily takes offence. He has a habit of threatening to 'go to the woods and not come back' during arguments.
Last year my mum was diagnosed with cancer and the prognosis is not good. It has given me the push to find a way to move out, because both of us know dad will be awful to live with when she starts getting worse. Already he is trying to get her to stop treatment that is extending her life, because it interferes with his ability to book a holiday.'
'She has met me after work, crying her eyes out because he told her she won't see her next birthday. He won't let her go to any appointments alone, even if she says she wants to, and will get verbally aggressive when he doesn't get his own way. Mum is so worried that he will only think of himself that she has made me her lastingl power of attorney.
My mum and I are on the same page, we can't take it much longer and want to leave. I have been moving my possessions over to my new place slowly after work, but it is getting time to hire a removal company.'
'As the time gets nearer I am starting to have doubts and am worried about the impact us suddenly leaving will have. I'm scared to tell dad I'm leaving and mum is coming with me but I also feel sneaky for doing it all behind his back. He has no idea, and I know he will not understand why we have done what we've done. He will definitely see us a the bad guys, and I'm a bit worried that he will harass us.'
On the one hand I feel like I'm gaslighting myself into staying as most of the time things are plodding along okay, but I also sometimes feel like I'm being overly dramatic and a horrible person for taking mum and myself away from him and going no contact. Am I being unreasonable?'
