Have you ever found yourself in a sticky situation—maybe you spilled a cuppa on the carpet or forgot to do the dishes—and, without thinking, you immediately blamed someone else? If so, you’re not alone.

But here’s the kicker: this knee-jerk reaction to shift blame might be more than just a bad habit. It could be a sign of a deeper behavioural pattern, one that’s often linked to narcissism.

Now, before you start worrying that you’re the next villain in a soap opera, let’s take a closer look at what this really means—and why recognising it could be the first step towards healthier relationships and a happier you.



Recently, a young man in the US shared his story online, and it’s one that might sound familiar to many of us.

After a rough patch in life, he found himself living with his mum. One night, distracted and not paying attention, he tripped and spilled his drink all over her carpet.

Instantly, he blurted out, 'Why would you even put that there?'—blaming his mum’s side table for his own clumsiness.

It was a lightbulb moment. He realised, in that split second, how automatic it was for him to deflect responsibility.



And as he reflected, he saw a pattern: he’d done the same thing with his girlfriend, friends, and even co-workers. Whenever something went wrong, his first instinct was to twist the situation so it looked like someone else’s fault.

Blaming others for our own mistakes is a common human foible, but when it becomes a default setting, it can be a red flag for narcissistic tendencies.

Narcissism isn’t just about being self-absorbed or loving the mirror a bit too much. It’s a complex personality trait that often involves:

- Shifting blame to others, even for obvious personal mistakes
- Struggling to take responsibility for one’s actions
- Making others feel like they’re always in the wrong
- Using logic or arguments to 'win' rather than to understand
- Gaslighting—making others doubt their own feelings or perceptions



Sound familiar? Don’t panic! Recognising these patterns is actually a huge step forward.

For many, these behaviours aren’t about being a 'bad person.' Often, they’re learned responses—ways of protecting ourselves from shame, criticism, or feelings of inadequacy. Over time, they can become so ingrained that we don’t even notice we’re doing it.

According to experts, narcissistic personality traits can develop as a way to cope with difficult upbringings or environments where vulnerability wasn’t safe.

The brain wires itself to avoid blame at all costs, even if it means hurting those we care about.



The young man’s story struck a chord with many online, especially when he admitted how his behaviour had affected his girlfriend.

He’d often accused her of 'overreacting' or being 'too sensitive' whenever she tried to talk about her feelings. Instead of listening, he’d make it about himself, leaving her feeling unheard and at fault.

Over time, this kind of dynamic can erode trust and intimacy in relationships. Partners, friends, and family members may start to feel like they’re walking on eggshells, never sure when they’ll be blamed for something that isn’t their fault.

Here’s the good news: change is possible. The fact that this young man recognised his pattern and wanted to do better is a powerful first step. Many people never reach this point, instead continuing to deflect and deny.

According to the British Psychological Society, people with narcissistic tendencies often put their own interests first, seek admiration, and struggle to empathise with others.



In the UK, it’s estimated that about one in 20 people may have Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), though many more may have undiagnosed traits.

Therapists recommend that anyone concerned about these patterns seek professional help, ideally from someone experienced in personality disorders. Therapy can help you understand why you behave the way you do and give you tools to change.

The most heartening part of the young man’s story is that he didn’t just stop at self-awareness—he reached out for help.

Dozens of people encouraged him, reminding him that recognising the problem is half the battle. As one commenter put it, 'There’s no finish line to being a better person. It’s always active and ongoing.'


Have you ever caught yourself shifting blame or noticed this pattern in someone close to you? How did you handle it? Do you have tips for becoming more self-aware or supporting someone who’s trying to change? We’d love to hear your stories, advice, and questions in the comments below!