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Danielle G.

Danielle G.

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AIBU 31.01.2025


AIBU, which stands for 'Am I Being Unreasonable', is the perfect platform for sharing your thoughts and opinions! So, for today's AIBU discussion, we have this story from Reddit/throwRAgoddamit:

Am I being unreasonable for 'gossiping' with my mum about my brother's fiance and her potentially fake pregnancy?



'I have an older brother, John, who has been with his fiancé Jane for 4 years. They have a 4 month old.'

'Jane found out she was pregnant at 5 and a half weeks and immediately called my mum to tell her. Mum was confused, but still very excited. Jane said she was going to tell John when he got back from his work trip. A few hours later, she called again, sobbing, saying she has "insatiable cravings". Mum made a joke like "isn’t it a bit early for cravings?" and Jane went OFF on her. She started yelling about how this was "her pregnancy" and no one else’s. It was an odd reaction. She also apologised for her outburst by blaming it on hormones.'

'When my brother returned from his trip, him and Jane left to stay at her mother’s and we didn’t see her until after the baby was born. John said this was because Jane was afraid of losing the pregnancy and wanted to be with her mum and we needed to respect boundaries.'



'Whenever someone would ask about Jane or the baby, they would shut it down with vague answers like "Every pregnancy is different" or "She’s carrying small, which isn’t unusual." They barely shared anything about the pregnancy. No ultrasound pictures, no baby shower, and Jane didn’t want anyone around during the delivery.'

'I also discovered that every craving she listed, came from one article about pregnancy cravings (she even listed multiple items in the same order as the article).'

'When the baby was born, we were finally allowed to see Jane and John (and baby of course). It was very bittersweet as we all wished we could have been there for Jane to help out, but Jane and John both reassured us that we did help out by staying away during the pregnancy.'



'The weirdest part though, is how Jane describes the birth. She claims she had an epidural via IV drip into her HAND (edited bc I didn't elaborate--)… which is NOT how those are administered. When I asked clarifying questions (thinking she had gotten confused, which is understandable) she shut down and refused to answer, like how she would during the pregnancy.'

'She said the baby had "latching issues" because he was born with no umbilical cord stump. This can technically happen, but it’s a rare and fatal medical condition that their baby does not have.'

'The final straw was when she told us that the baby "basically fell out of her" within an hour of being in labour, despite my brother telling us how hard the birth was (and even stating that was why they weren’t going to try for any more kids).'



'Mum is on the same side as me, and has been noting the inconsistencies and inaccuracies but doesn’t know how to bring it up. And their reactions don’t help.'

'A few days ago, my brother texted mum saying her doubt of Jane is disrespectful and they both want full apologies from the both of us for "bullying" Jane about her pregnancy/labour. I haven't made any outright accusations about it, nor have I said any of this to Jane. I've only asked questions when she brings the birth/pregnancy up.'
 
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The facts are:- your brother and his wife have had a baby girl. You now have a niece and your mother a granddaughter. .Enjoy this time. There could possibly be reasons why they dont want to talk about the pregnancy and birth. You and your mum - take Jane and baby shopping - enjoy the time out. This might be the only niece and granddaughter that you and your mum will ever have. Have lots of cuddles and spoil the baby. Maybe in time they may want to talk - their decision - not yours.
 
No need to take this conversation with her any further....forget it all together especially with your Mum....there is a new member of the family that needs lots of love and attention ....from everyone,
nothing more.....Peace to you all.:)
 
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Nobody's business but theirs.
When our first grandchild was coming, the daughter in law wanted nothing to do with anyone else's well meaning tips. Her right.
There were rules on top of rules to the point we thought we'd never get to see the boy. As an example said no visits from anyone until mother baby bonding was complete. We just went with the flow.
Then grandchild number 2 came along and it was a whole different ball game.
My advice. Go with it and be known as the doting grandparent.
They grow up too soon. Make the most of it while you can.
 
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There is more to this story and I'm thinking the author of this story isn't stating all of it or is twisting things.

I think the mother n daughter are gossiping and have maybe given the daughter/ sister inlaw a hard time with previous pregnancy

I agree the birth seams mixed up but maybe the mother inlaw got it wrong. Maybe the IV was in to induce her or just add extra fluids. Yes an epidural is done by a needle in the spine but two of my daughters had an IV put in before the actual epidural.

This mother and daughter sound like they are huge gossipers and no wonder she didn't want to be around these two.
I'm thinking she may have been through stress with her first baby.

Right from the beginning of this second pregnancy they were judging.
Just look at the list of negatives they had written.

What a privilege to be told straight away that your daughter inlaw was pregnant. How dare the mother inlaw question her about it including her craving. One of my pregnancies I knew I was pregnant because I craved salty food it's the same as others have morning sickness

Every pregnancy is different.

I think this mother and daughter are not telling the correct story and the daughter is trying to convince herself that the sister inlaw did wrong

So yes you are being very unreasonable
 
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I'm staying RIGHT OUT of this one as I've had enough problems of my own after having 7 pregnancies, but being blessed with 3 living beautiful babies now all married adults and they've blessed us with 10 grandchildren. Nobodies business but theirs. :giggle:
 
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I'm staying RIGHT OUT of this one as I've had enough problems of my own after having 7 pregnancies, but being blessed with 3 living beautiful babies now all married adults and they've blessed us with 10 grandchildren. Nobodies business but theirs. :giggle:
I had eight pregnancies with two living children, one was a neonatal death and the others were miscarriages around twelve weeks.
 
I had eight pregnancies with two living children, one was a neonatal death and the others were miscarriages around twelve weeks.
I feel and understand where you're coming from as mine were the same time with one ectopic at 4-1/2 months which I almost didn't survive, but that's a different time in my life now, so I'm blessed with what I have. 💕

I see that you're from SA. We're also from SA, but hubby was transferred to NSW 45 years ago. So, here we are for good now since all our 3 have grown up here and don't remember anything of their early childhood - too young.
 
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I feel and understand where you're coming from as mine were the same time with one ectopic at 4-1/2 months which I almost didn't survive, but that's a different time in my life now, so I'm blessed with what I have. 💕

I see that you're from SA. We're also from SA, but hubby was transferred to NSW 45 years ago. So, here we are for good now since all our 3 have grown up here and don't remember anything of their early childhood - too young.
My two were all grown up but sadly my son passed away in 2017 at 33 :( 💔
But I still have my beautiful daughter who i'm forever grateful for 😃❤️
 
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