AIBU 25.10.2024

Danielle G. · Oct 25, 2024

AIBU 25.10.2024

AIBU, which stands for 'Am I Being Unreasonable', is the perfect platform for sharing your thoughts and opinions! So, for today's AIBU discussion, we have this story from Reddit/Sea-Concentrate-4343:

Am I being unreasonable for using disabled toilets?

'Earlier this year, I got diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis. I found out after a really bad flare-up landed me in the hospital for just over three weeks. At that point, I was hitting the bathroom more than 10 times a day. Right now, I’m mostly symptom-free, but I still get occasional blood and sometimes need to use the toilet pretty urgently.'

'Because of that, I usually prefer using disabled toilets when I’m out. If I’m just taking a quick pee, I’ll use the regular men’s room, but for everything else, the disabled one is way more practical as it is a separate room. It’s got more space, which is helpful if I need to change clothes, plus a private sink to clean up if there’s blood.'

'So last weekend, I was at a restaurant with my girlfriend, and I needed to go to the bathroom. I used the disabled toilet, was in there for about five minutes, and when I came out, this guy in a wheelchair was waiting for it. He started going off on me, saying it’s a disabled toilet. I told him I knew that and explained that not all disabilities are visible.'

'He kept going, saying it’s for disabled people. I got frustrated and said just because he’s in a wheelchair doesn’t mean he’s more entitled to use it than someone with an invisible disability like mine.'

'He called me rude and said he shouldn’t have had to wait, but I told him again that just because he’s in a wheelchair doesn’t mean he never has to wait for the toilet. He called me an a*****e and said I shouldn’t use the disabled toilets in the future. Am I being unreasonable for using the disabled toilet in this situation?'

Luckyus · Oct 25, 2024

No your not and shag the miserable get.

Karchie$ · Oct 25, 2024

Of course you aren't. The guy in the wheelchair was being totally unreasonable and unsympathetic to other people's disabilities.

But I always have to laugh when I hear (or read) about "disabled" toilets. Surely if a toilet is disabled that means it's no longer usable?

A better term would be a "toilet for people with a disability", but that would probably be too big for a toilet door or sign!

Pommyoz · Oct 25, 2024

I really prefer the disable toilets because there’s a handrail I can grab. Regular are too low and the cubicles are small. A knee replacement, incontinence arthritic hips plus a swollen knee apparently doesn’t make me disabled, but I use them when I really need to!

Jash · Oct 25, 2024

I don't know, good question thou.
You can't park in a disabled car space unless you have the sticker.
At the moment I have a walker so I can, would I or wouldn't I after hopefully getting rid of it with other problems I have, good question don't know.

DiBoz · Oct 25, 2024

No I don’t believe you are be unreasonable at all. If you use the regular toilet when you only need to pee.

what · Oct 25, 2024

NO! You had every right to use the disabled toilets. The person in the wheelchair had NO RIGHT to JUDGE you or be RUDE to you. Good thing he didn't meet me I would have done a U Turn and gone back into the toilet for a further 10 minutes.

Benny's Light · Oct 25, 2024

There are so many different types of disabilities, those that are very visible and those that are hidden. My disability is hidden, but it allows me to use disabled parking and I use the disabled toilets and parking when I need to when my balance is not the best and my mobility is not as good. Other times I will not. I share the pain of the writer as I am often asked to justify myself. My standard reply has been "I am happy to swap bodies with you!" It shuts them up quickly as they just do not know how to reply.

Donna May · Oct 25, 2024

I am disabled & understand both sides of this story. I have been locked out of the disabled toilet, waiting my turn only to have two young men come out laughing. I did not say anything, but when I went into the area I found the toilet had not been flushed & the seat foul. I had to leave & find someone to ask after using the usual public loos. This is not acceptable in this day & age as the men's loo was just a door away. Perhaps ask your GP for a disability sticker for your condition. Good luck!

magpie1 · Oct 25, 2024

I'm suffering a disability that prevents me walking too far at any one time plus a few other significant ailments but when I'm out and need to go to the toilet I still use the basic mens' facilities and sometimes when I use the mens' cubicle I suffer immense back pain and have difficulty getting off the loo itself when I am finished....honestly I think that the disability toilets are for people like myself but I still believe that with people in wheelchairs etc I feel reluctant to blocking their access to the disabled facility.

maximus111 · Oct 25, 2024

I would say if you have a condition that prevents you from or makes using the standard male/female toilets difficult, then you have a right to use the disability toilet instead.

As others have said, not all disabilities are obvious such as needing to use a wheelchair. And if you do use a wheelchair, that does not give you any special rights over those who do not but also have a disabling use to the standard toilets.

I work in disability where in most instances, I have to escort my clients to the toilet and assist them to use the toilet. At the same time have a need to use it myself while there. I cannot leave my clients unattended external to a cubicle as they are known to wander off.

At other times post surgeries I've had, knee and abdominal, etc I will use the disabled toilet as I need to use the railings supplied seeing as I can't put too much weight on my knee or cannot use my core muscles.

There is nothing yet that stops us, or anybody for that matter in using the disabled toilet, but it would be more respectful of those that cannot see other people's condition/s to not make judgement on them.

So no, you are not being unreasonable in using the disabled toilet when the occasion arises.

Nozmo · Oct 25, 2024

You are definitely not being unreasonable but the guy in the wheelchair certainly was.

Ivory · Oct 25, 2024

Severe inflammatory arthritis, a life threatening heart condition and a degenerative neurological condition sees me now fully confined to a wheelchair. Career wise I worked within the disability sector for 40 years, therefore I can comfortably see two sides of the story. I am totally accepting of people with hidden disabilities using the disabled toilets and understand the need for extra space, particularly if needing to change or undertake a lengthy clean up. However, the toilets are usually signed using the wheelchair

️ sign. My chair and most others would be unable to access a normal toilet due to the width of the chair and, as in my case, someone who also experiences incontinence could find themselves in a very difficult situation. A wheelchair accessible toilet also provides capacity for a chair to turn within the toilet, which facilities egress. Maybe a better option could be wheelchair toilets with hand rails, higher toilet seat and mobility space etc and make all the other toilets slightly larger so there is more space for changing etc, and install hand rails in all toilets so people could all have their needs met, without the indignity of being confronted by someone in a wheelchair.

Dynamo · Oct 25, 2024

No not unreasonable. Not all disabilities are visible. You need extra space to clean up.

Miss Jewel · Oct 25, 2024

No, you have a right to use it, I think the guy in the wheelchair was a entitled A Hole.

Hollingworthlake · Saturday at 1:44 AM

I quite agree with you. There are many reasons why you may need to use a disabled toilet. Not least because there is a sink and room to change if you need to. And with age I have noticed that toiletting can become a real problem because things don’t always do what they used to do

David love · Saturday at 2:09 AM

magpie1 said:
I'm suffering a disability that prevents me walking too far at any one time plus a few other significant ailments but when I'm out and need to go to the toilet I still use the basic mens' facilities and sometimes when I use the mens' cubicle I suffer immense back pain and have difficulty getting off the loo itself when I am finished....honestly I think that the disability toilets are for people like myself but I still believe that with people in wheelchairs etc I feel reluctant to blocking their access to the disabled facility.

You're not blocking anyone else. I'm always happy to wait my turn and don't judge others. Not all disabilities are obvious

Hollingworthlake · Saturday at 12:31 PM

Hollingworthlake said:
I quite agree with you. There are many reasons why you may need to use a disabled toilet. Not least because there is a sink and room to change if you need to. And with age I have noticed that toiletting can become a real problem because things don’t always do what they used to do

Miss Jewel · Saturday at 3:45 PM

David love said:
You're not blocking anyone else. I'm always happy to wait my turn and don't judge others. Not all disabilities are obvious

I have invisible disabilities and need the facilities offered in a specific disabled toilet room. A disabled toilet in with regular toilets is a difficulty for me.

Gsr · Saturday at 10:19 PM

A good solution would be for all toilet blocks to have at least two semi ambulances cubicles that are a bit bigger, have rails to help people get up and outward opening doors. Newer toilet blocks in shopping centres have this, but mostly only one semi ambulant. I find older toilet blocks the cubicles are tiny, barely enough room to move and you almost have to be on top of the toilet to get the inward opening door open enough to squeeze out. I always use the disabled toilets when available in older toilet blocks as with my severe arthritis I find it almost impossible to navigate my way into and out of the tiny cubicles of the other toilets.

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