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Back of the ute The photo by Suzanne reminded my of my trip from Sydney to Jervis Bay in 1954 with family in the back of my grandfather's ute. It rained (you can tell). I sat in the cabin because I had long legs.

Camping trip Four friends spent weeks planning the perfect camping and riding trip. Two days before the group was to leave, Mike's wife put her foot down and told him he wasn't going. Mike's friends are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do. Two days later the three get to the...

Golfing bet Tiger Woods & Stevie Wonder are in a bar....Tiger turns to Stevie and says, "How's the singing career going? Stevie replies, "Not too bad. How's the golf?" Woods replies, "Not too bad, I've had some problems with my swing, but I think I've got that right, now." Stevie: "I always...

Noisy Miner with Echium I was reminded of this photo of four years ago as the Echium is about to flower again. Bees love the plant too.

Valuable pictures A New York attorney representing a wealthy art collector phoned his client. He said, "Saul, I have some good news and I have some bad news.” The art collector replied, "I've had an awful day, let's hear the good news first.” The lawyer said, "Well, I met with your wife today...

RBT Sally was living in a nursing home and was a bit of an institution on her mobile scooter. She would whiz quickly around the corridors and the old guys would play it up for fun. One day she turns the corner on two wheels and Fred comes out and stops her. " I think you're exceeding the speed...

Polish joke (just change the country to suit) Two guys are standing side-by-side at a urinal. One guy says to the other. "You're Polish, I see." "I am, how did you know?" "You were born in Warsaw General Hospital." "That's right. Amazing." "You were circumcised by Dr. Waszinski." 'That's...

Little Johnny Little Johnny's mother: "We're going down to see Mrs Jones's new baby, Johnny. Now the baby was born with no ears, but I do NOT want you to mention the ears." Johnny: "No worries, Mum." So off they go and see the baby. Little Johnny: "Beautiful baby. Mrs Jones. How's his...

Speeding moped An elderly man, looking about 100 years old, and on a Moped, pulls up next to a doctor at a street light. The old man looks over at the sleek shiny car and asks, 'What kind of car ya got there, sonny?' The doctor replies, 'A Ferrari GTO. It cost half a million dollars' 'That's a...

Kids shopping trip Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter. The pharmacist at the counter asked the older boy, "Son, how old are you?” “Eight”, the boy replied. The man continued, “Do you know what these are used for?” The...

Ludwig van Beethoven A couple visiting Germany were touring a cemetery looking at historical headstones. They began to hear classical music which they identified as Beethoven's Ninth Symphony but it was being played backwards. As they searched for the source of the sound it changed to...

Samurai test Once upon a time, a powerful Emperor of the Rising Sun advertised for a new Chief Samurai. After a year, only three applied for the job: a Chinese, a Japanese, and a Jewish samurai. "Demonstrate your skills!" commanded the Emperor. The Chinese samurai stepped forward, opened a tiny...

Gaffur is still Gaffur Once upon a time ..a small boy named Gaffur lived in a tiny Indian village. All his classmates hated him for his stupidity especially his teacher who was always yelling at him "you are driving me crazy, Gaffur"... One day his mother went to check out how he is doing at...

Putin's way of avoiding tricky questions Vladimir Putin, wanting to get on the good side of voters, goes to visit a school in Moscow to have a chat with the kids. He talks to them about how Russia is a powerful nation and how he wants the best for the people. At the end of the talk, there is...

Poor Paddy Paddy and Mick are two Irishmen working at the local sawmill. One day, Mick slips and his arm gets caught and severed by the big bench saw. Paddy quickly puts the limb in a plastic bag and rushes it and Mick to the local hospital. Next day, Paddy goes to the hospital and asks...

Little piano player A guy walks into a bar, puts a box on the counter and takes out a tiny piano. Then he takes out a tiny man, seats him at the piano and gets him to play. The bartender is amazed and says, "That's amazing where did you get this guy?" The guy says, "I was walking on the beach...

Redhead joke A redhead goes to the doctor. "Doc, I've got a problem. It hurts when I press here (pressing her head), and it hurts when I press here (pressing her hip) and it hurts when I press here (pressing her thigh)." The doctor checks her over and says, "You're not really a redhead are...

Oops Guy goes into a supermarket. A lady approaches and says, "Excuse me, are you John Lambert?" Guy says, "Yes, I am. Why do you ask?" She says, "I think you're the father of one of my kids." He looks embarrassed and says, "I'm sorry, are you the stripper from Barry Brown's stag party in...

For computer geeks Subject: Upgrade from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 Dear Tech Support: Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow-down in the overall performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under...

A joke from 1922 “I can’t keep visitors from coming up”, said the office boy dejectedly. “When I say you’re out they won’t believe me. They all say they must see you.” “Well, put them off somehow”, said the editor, with a worried look. “Whatever they say, just tell them: ‘That’s what they all...