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Shocked! I was shocked to see that my first grade teacher, Sister Mary Teresa, is now working as a bartender. It’s the weirdest thing I’ve ever seen, bar nun.

Dryers Broken My dryer door keeps popping open during use. If it does it ONE more time, THAT'S IT!!! I'm throwing in the towel.

Debait! A boy was taking care of his baby sister while his parents went to town shopping. He decided to go fishing and he had to take her along. "I'll never do that again!" he told his mother that evening. "I didn't catch a thing!" "Oh, next time I'm sure she'll be quiet and not scare the...

He's Adorable! Yesterday, I was cooking dinner and my son came up to me and said, ''One day I will work and help you with all the bills and groceries, and the house expenses.'' My eyes started to tear up. My baby will be 32 next month.

Negative Balance There's nothing scarier than that split second when you lose your balance in the shower, and you think, ''They're going to find me naked!!!!''

Rash Nappy! Remember when you were little, you could just rip off your nappy and run around naked and everyone thought it was cute and funny? Anyway, I need bail money.

''Spin The Bottle'' When I was a kid, when we played ''Spin The Bottle'' if they didn't want to kiss you, they'd have to give you twenty cents. By the time I was twelve, I owned my own home!

Abdul

With Benefits! A young man with his pants hanging half off his rear, two gold front teeth, and a half inch thick gold chain around his neck, walked into the local welfare office to pick up his giro. He marched up to the counter and said, “Hi. You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I’d really...

The First Air Friar

Smores! I had a happy childhood. My dad used to put me in tires and roll me down hills. ………. Those were Goodyears. Never break someone’s heart. They only have one. ……….Break their bones instead. They have 206 of them. An apple a day keeps the doctor away. ……….Or at least it does if you throw...

Aaaaagh! Don't you just hate it when you're sending a text, and you’re so rudely interrupted by a stupid jogger, bouncing off your windscreen? *************** Just when I was sure vegetables can't communicate ....... onion rings...

''It Makes Me look fat!'' The judge frowned at the tired robber and said, “then you admit breaking into the same store on three successive nights?” ”Yes, your honour.” “And why was that?” “Because my wife wanted a dress.” The judge checked with his records, “But it says here you broke in three...

Signs of Too Much 21st Century... 1. You try to enter your password on the microwave. 2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years. 3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 4. 4. You e-mail your colleague at the desk next to you to ask...

''Fore''! An office employee knowing his boss was off for the day transferred the office telephone to his own cell phone and took it with him to play...

Fine Wine “Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it’s our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you’d like to have dinner with.”

''Attention Please.'' Mick and Paddy are on a cruise. Paddy says, ''It's awfully quiet up on deck tonight.'' Mick says, ''Everyone will be watching the band.'' Paddy says, ''There isn't a band playing tonight.'' Mick says, ''I definitely heard someone announce, A band on ship!''

Kermit Jagger A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patty Whack. "Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday." Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad...

Small Bells A Canadian park ranger is giving some ramblers a warning about bears, “Brown bears are usually harmless. They avoid contact with humans so we suggest you attach small bells to your rucksacks and give the bears time to get out of your way. However, grizzly bears are extremely...